Page 542 ~ Under the watchfull eye

Sitting by the stream.. enjoying the quiet of late.. I really didnt pay much attention to anything around me. I heard the water.. I felt the stabbing chill of air as it crept under the layers of fur draped over me. I am numb. I think its the isolation. There has been no contact with anyone of the Harigga in a long time. Perhaps this unbearable cold winter keeps them all inside... within the safety of their wagons... but not me. I cant stand being cooped up. So.. sitting by the stream has become a time of reflection for me. And... a reflection up and slapped me in the face tonight. It came in the form of Shi. Why? I dont know. He always had this uncanny way of knowing when I was thinking about Him.. or perhaps.. needing Him. But in any case.. He showed up. Just.. checking on me. So.. I lied... or tried to. But He saw right through it. The conversation was neither joyous or enlightning. I felt like I had nothing to say to Him. I know He felt it too. Yet.. I have to keep my distance from Him. I cannot hurt Him anymore... Ive done that enough in the past. I failed Him... and I failed me. Just seeing Him standing there as He looked at me... made it hurt all over again. He will always be my oldest and dearest friend.. and I will always love Him.. perhaps more than I should. He is the Father of some of my children and He will forever hold a piece of my heart... but... well enough said. Im growing tired of things... and increasingly aggitated. Its time.. for a ride..................