It was a hard day for me. Harder yet that I knew once I got back to my wagon that there was no one waiting for me.. other than Bull and Taeleah. I find it hard to not have someone of an adult mind to speak too. And I do tend to have a short fuse with the kids lately. I try to just tell them that Momma's tired and I could use some time to wind down.. hoping to avoid the mass of kid questions that come with our together time. This night was no different as I returned and sat near the fire... but what exactly came from Bull's mouth.. simply floored me. First thing I noticed was His unusual quietness. He sat beside me..stiring the ground with a foot and I assume that was my cue to ask the question. So.. I did. "What's wrong Bull?" I said and He sighed. "Nothin" Was His response. I waited... wondering.. and I knew that wasnt all. I shrugged and nodded.. "Ok Bull... if you say so" I said... and started to get up. "Momma?" Bull whispered and I sat back down having known this was coming. "Yes son" I said... and what followed was a long barrage of questions and concerns from such a yung soul. Basically.. Bull had become aware of the changing of the greys. He had heard that their Papa was no longer Ubar.. and that Ash and I were no longer Mates. Now.... my poor baby worried that it meant He was no longer loved and was sure that He had to leave. He was also concerned...and I have to admit.. so was I.. about the whereabouts of their Papa. There had been no word from Ash in a very long time. No one had seen Him and I was beginning to wonder if He still lived.
I did my best to comfort my lil man. I told Him that things would be fine... that Krono had taken over and He would help us. A few more questions that I seemed to satisfy and Bull was happy again. I didnt tell Bull more that He needed to know. I didnt tell Him more about Krono..not yet.. because frankly.. Im not even sure where that road is going.
So after Bull left to play with His sister.. I was sitting there.. feeling kinda down. I heard a familar whistle an round the wagon came Krono. He had friend with Him. A beautiful white kaiila. I was given the reins and instructions to "try him" I hesitantly mounted the large kaiila and gave it a small test drive. He was great and I loved Him. I hadnt had my own kaiila since I lost Red in the plains fire.. and the rent-a-kaiila's Ive been using left me mostly bruised and bounced about. While Krono stood there with a grin... it crossed my mind that His intentions could have been to win me over with gifts. Not that this is a bad thing.. but there was more to winning me over with such things. If Krono wanted to win me over.. there was only one thing He needed to do....
Question is....
Would He figure it out?
Monday, June 13, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Page 560 ~ Promises, promises...
Never had a doubt
In the beginning
Never a doubt
Trusted too true
In the beginning
I loved you right through
Arm in arm we laughed like kids
At all the silly things we did
You made me promises, promises
Knowing I'd believe
Promises, promises
You knew you'd never keep
Second time around
I'm still believing
Words that you said
You said you'd always be here
In love forever
Still repeats in my head
You can't finish what you started
If this is love it breaks my heart
Why do I believe.
~~~~
A sleepless night left me tired and cranky. I sought comfort in the stream.. just sitting and listening to the gentle ripple of water over the rocks and silt. There was much to think about and take in. A sudden flip of my life once more... but funny.. it didnt effect me as much as I thought. Maybe I am a cold hearted bitch now... protective over that thing I used to wear on my sleeve.
I pulled that piece of paper from my pocket.. slowly studying it and trying to make sense of it. That's when I heard the whisper... one word.. soft against my ear. "Promises"
Huh?
I looked around for signs of someone.. but found nothing. I looked up to the Sky... squinting.. then narrowing one eye. She hated me. Yet.. I dont think this was Her doing. So back to the paper where... it.. suddenly made sense!! I stood up.. flagging the piece of parchment in my hand.. yelling.. "I get it !! look!! see??!!!" Breathless in my excitement I wanted to tell the world... I was only answered with a gurgle from the stream. Well... that was a bummer. My satchel was nearby.. and sitting back to the grass... I took out a writing stick and began to fill in the blanks. All the promises that had been made to me... and nearly every one had been broken. Sure... now I find out I have trust issues. More so that I trusted too easily in the past. I believed what was spoken to me. And why shouldnt I? Cause ya get burning Silken Girl. Thats why.
Yeah.
In the middle of this epithomy... Krono shows up. I was too lost in thought and emotion to deal with Him. I tried not to be cold.. but I knew He could tell something was up. He seemed to dance around words.. finally finding what it was He wanted to say. Something I wasnt so sure I wanted to hear at this moment. But it was along the lines of.... He had discovered over the past months of us being together.. how much He enjoyed our time together. He had feelings for me that were very strong. And He still wanted to court me. But... He... "promised" not to just up and claim me like had been done before. No.. this was my choice.
Great.
In walks Sev. Skies She is so beautiful. So young.. so lucky to not have this road of hardship on Her back like me. I envy Her... and perhaps... I am jealous of Her. I wish I could be like Her... not burdened down with such heavy thoughts and memories. I wish I could shove the past away.. tuck it somewhere to be brought out on a rainy day and just... live. My wall had gone back up.. all in a matter of moments.
I was scared.
I couldnt stand for Her.. or Krono for that matter to see me this way. I hate showing emotion.. especially in front of other's. I knew it was rude.. but I had to get away before something crept out and reared it's ugly head.
Exit.. stage right.
I bid them both a good night and hightailed it from the stream. I was kicking myself.. and I stopped several times to turn around and want to run back. I couldnt. I couldnt make my feet move in that direction.
Eventually.. I made it to my wagon and found the girl there. I told tanya to leave.. to go away.. she simply smiled and said she couldnt. she was under orders. Ugh. Whatever.. I said and sat near the fire. the girl made her way to me and gently placed her hands on my shoulders... her fingers began to rub and kneed the sore tense muscles. Normally.. I would have swatted her away... or had it been any other slave... cut off their fingers. But.. tonight.. I needed that touch.. I needed the compassion of a friend. I needed someone to tell me what to do... that everything would be ok... that I would be ok. she sensed my mood.. and pending emotional state... and she leaned around me.. smiling as she whispered... "Mistress?" "what is it tanya" I said. "One is glad we are both here" she said. "MMmmhhhmmm" I grunted. "You'll be thrilled to tell your master that I allowed you to do your... tasks" I said. "Oh no Mistress" tanya said... "Dont worry.. I wont say a word" she said... and then whispered.....
"I promise"
Son of a bitch.
In the beginning
Never a doubt
Trusted too true
In the beginning
I loved you right through
Arm in arm we laughed like kids
At all the silly things we did
You made me promises, promises
Knowing I'd believe
Promises, promises
You knew you'd never keep
Second time around
I'm still believing
Words that you said
You said you'd always be here
In love forever
Still repeats in my head
You can't finish what you started
If this is love it breaks my heart
Why do I believe.
~~~~
A sleepless night left me tired and cranky. I sought comfort in the stream.. just sitting and listening to the gentle ripple of water over the rocks and silt. There was much to think about and take in. A sudden flip of my life once more... but funny.. it didnt effect me as much as I thought. Maybe I am a cold hearted bitch now... protective over that thing I used to wear on my sleeve.
I pulled that piece of paper from my pocket.. slowly studying it and trying to make sense of it. That's when I heard the whisper... one word.. soft against my ear. "Promises"
Huh?
I looked around for signs of someone.. but found nothing. I looked up to the Sky... squinting.. then narrowing one eye. She hated me. Yet.. I dont think this was Her doing. So back to the paper where... it.. suddenly made sense!! I stood up.. flagging the piece of parchment in my hand.. yelling.. "I get it !! look!! see??!!!" Breathless in my excitement I wanted to tell the world... I was only answered with a gurgle from the stream. Well... that was a bummer. My satchel was nearby.. and sitting back to the grass... I took out a writing stick and began to fill in the blanks. All the promises that had been made to me... and nearly every one had been broken. Sure... now I find out I have trust issues. More so that I trusted too easily in the past. I believed what was spoken to me. And why shouldnt I? Cause ya get burning Silken Girl. Thats why.
Yeah.
In the middle of this epithomy... Krono shows up. I was too lost in thought and emotion to deal with Him. I tried not to be cold.. but I knew He could tell something was up. He seemed to dance around words.. finally finding what it was He wanted to say. Something I wasnt so sure I wanted to hear at this moment. But it was along the lines of.... He had discovered over the past months of us being together.. how much He enjoyed our time together. He had feelings for me that were very strong. And He still wanted to court me. But... He... "promised" not to just up and claim me like had been done before. No.. this was my choice.
Great.
In walks Sev. Skies She is so beautiful. So young.. so lucky to not have this road of hardship on Her back like me. I envy Her... and perhaps... I am jealous of Her. I wish I could be like Her... not burdened down with such heavy thoughts and memories. I wish I could shove the past away.. tuck it somewhere to be brought out on a rainy day and just... live. My wall had gone back up.. all in a matter of moments.
I was scared.
I couldnt stand for Her.. or Krono for that matter to see me this way. I hate showing emotion.. especially in front of other's. I knew it was rude.. but I had to get away before something crept out and reared it's ugly head.
Exit.. stage right.
I bid them both a good night and hightailed it from the stream. I was kicking myself.. and I stopped several times to turn around and want to run back. I couldnt. I couldnt make my feet move in that direction.
Eventually.. I made it to my wagon and found the girl there. I told tanya to leave.. to go away.. she simply smiled and said she couldnt. she was under orders. Ugh. Whatever.. I said and sat near the fire. the girl made her way to me and gently placed her hands on my shoulders... her fingers began to rub and kneed the sore tense muscles. Normally.. I would have swatted her away... or had it been any other slave... cut off their fingers. But.. tonight.. I needed that touch.. I needed the compassion of a friend. I needed someone to tell me what to do... that everything would be ok... that I would be ok. she sensed my mood.. and pending emotional state... and she leaned around me.. smiling as she whispered... "Mistress?" "what is it tanya" I said. "One is glad we are both here" she said. "MMmmhhhmmm" I grunted. "You'll be thrilled to tell your master that I allowed you to do your... tasks" I said. "Oh no Mistress" tanya said... "Dont worry.. I wont say a word" she said... and then whispered.....
"I promise"
Son of a bitch.
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