Page 536 ~ Swift and "usual"? punishment?

Justice? Could be. My own absentminded transgression cost me my day in court. I never expected Ash to leave the Forge early today. I wasnt trying to hide from Him... if that be the case... I would have locked myself in the wagon.. away from prying eyes. But.. I didnt. I finished up a days work.. tired.. tense.. and still mulling over things in my head. Not a good combination to begin with. I wanted a drink... something more flavorful than water.. nothing as sweet as juice. There was always that wine... ick. Wine.. personally I think that a drink for dwellers. Ladies in slippers and robes with their pinky fingers propped up.. sipping from ornate goblets. I cant get into it.. in any way shape or form. This.. left me with two choices. Milk? or.. paga. Milk somehow turned my stomach at the thought. I'd been drinking so much lately... and making trip after trip to get fresh for Bull. I dont know why... but I dug out my trusty old silver cup. The dented and banged up cup that Ive always used until Ash came along. I found a bota of paga .. fresh from the barrel's.. hanging on a peg. Skies help me... I faultered and poured a small cupfull. That little voice in my head was screaming.. "Danger!! Danger!! Aboutface!" I shoulda listened. But I didnt. reasoned with myself... saying I had tried to find time to speak to Ash... to even ask Him.. or beg if I had to... to allow me just a small cup of the brew. In the end.. I sat on the steps of the wagon and endulged in my small pleasure.

Enter Ash.

See Silken flounder and panic.

My cup was quickly stashed behind me... to my coughing and choking on the mouthfull I'd just taken. I was dead. I knew it. He'd smell it on me. But I tried.. and failed.. in hiding it from Him. Why? I aint stupid... I knew He'd throttle me. Ohhhh I tried backpeddling. Didnt work. I tried smarting off to Him. Big mistake. In the end... I was yanked over His knee and my backside was aired out. This was a one time moment where I cursed those large.. heavy hands of His. They met my flesh in a rain of swats that left me squirming and cringing. I yelped my protest.. I think I might have growled... after the first few I was shivering with the burn. When He finally stopped... I not only felt the heat in my ass... but I saw the handprints born and raised to my punishment. Ouch. He said He wasnt mad.. but the punishment would be swift. Well thank the Skies!! Sarchastic comment there. I thought it was over. Swift.. as He stated. But boy was I wrong. Next came a bota. He held my nose and began pouring. Paga. Of course. Great. I spit what I could out... until He filled and then wedged my mouth closed till I had no choice but to swallow or breathe. My stomach protested the heavy brew immediately. Ash... just... kept.. pouring. Until that bota was empty and I was full. He called Jax over. Said for Him to get me to the wagon where I would stay. Bring buckets. Poor Jax.. soon as I was lifted and I felt the slosh of my stomach.. well... I lost what paga had just topped me off on His leg and into His boot. He groaned. Now that I think back on it.. it makes me laugh. How He squished His way back to the wagon with me under His arm. I was set to the furs.. given a few buckets and left to my own accord. I did wretch twice... ridding myself of the rest of the thick drink. And I was left with a throbbing pain in my head as well as my ass.

Jax sent tanya in to clean up. The girl brought me a wet cloth for my head and asked if I wanted anything. My reply was a sharp no. Just the thought of anything stronger than water made me want to gather up another bucket and insert my head.

I needed sleep. Lying to the furs and thanking the Skies for the cool night breeze that brushed across me. I wouldnt try to see or speak to Ash tonight. I'd search Him out tomorrow for our aftermath talking to.

I had alot of work ahead of me.

Ass-kissing and major sucking up to do.

or is that.. Ash-kissing?

Page 535 ~ Priority Male

Days had passed... and I hadnt seen Ash. I knew the work load placed on Him. The rings for the barrels needed to be finished. The wagon pieces and parts needed to be started. Weapons needed repairs and new one's needed to be made. The list was endless. I wondered just where I fit into that list.. given Ash's undying devotion to Tribe First. I didnt ask Him.. or send a message that hey... Im part of that Tribe... could ya spare a few Ehn for me. No. This time.. for the first time ever in my life.. I stepped back and just let it be. No ranting and raving... no fits... no temper tantrums. I just... accepted. I dont know why. I cant explain it.

It doesnt change what I wish could be... which is time with Him. Maybe I just dont have the energy to put up a fight like I use to. Its not that I dont care either. I do. It still tears at me... to try and find a few moments with Him... because He does make me feel good. Could it be that Ive finally matured past that fly off the handle bitch that would rather bite than bark? Again.. I have no answers. I know the catalyst is Ash. For whatever reason... He has calmed me down. Sometimes worse than kanda ever did. I know that I work hard to please Him and not be a thorn in His side. I know that if I let myself go and swap back to the old Silken... He will be burdened with the warnings and words of other's about my shortcomings. I dont think I could handle having to explain myself for things I am capable of doing. Not with Him. He means... just that much to me. I dont ever want to feel the disappointment from Him.. I dont ever want to see the question in His eyes. I just cant find a happy medium.

So.. with this in mind... I went out in search of my Mate. I had broken my dagger... the old one Ive carried since I was little. Well had since I was little. There was a time when I could not carry it but it was kept in safe keeping for me. The blade was old... dented, bent... nicked up. I really wasnt concerned about that. It is the handle that means more to me than anything. It was decorated by my Father... for me. The symbols are elaborate but only I know what each piece says. But as I used it the night before last... cutting bone from a piece of meat... the blade simply snapped at the hilt.. and was now of no use. I considered retiring it.. but I just could not part with it. This is where Ash would come in play. I was off to the Forge.. arriving to speak with one of the Iron Workers when I could not find Ash. He told me Ash had not been around. I was a bit put out.. and took a seat outside... kinda.. lost in the clouds as to where to go and what to do next. I even considered eating the snack I had brought Him. Moments later.. Ash did arrive.. speaking with another Warrior about a delivery of steel to begin the work on the move North. I thought He would walk right by me... and He did... but paused and looked back. Almost like He couldnt believe it was me there. Finally He did come over and we exchanged our greetings. Not the one I wanted.. would have prefered a sweeping up off my feet and into His arms for a kiss... but I did get a kiss to the forehead eventually. He said He was sorry for being so busy.. to which I told Him.. It is His duty. But what struck me hard was the list He called... Priorities. Lower and higher priorities. I made the mistake of letting that fire loose and telling Him I guess I was a lower priority. He rambled on at first.. and then asked why I felt that way. I did not want to argue with Him... or get into some indepth discussion about my wants and needs. Besides... I could tell His mind was elsewhere... on work... on duty. So I bottled up my need... and handed over my beloved dagger... asking if He could fix it. I had changed the subject... not necessarily on purpose.. but it suited the moment. He turned His attention to my dagger and told me He would do His best to fix it.

I did finally get my kiss... even though it was in parting ways once more.

I would think more on this priority thing... as I walked away. I watched the clouds roll by... I watched the people scuttle about... and as I returned to my wagon to delve into work... I asked myself outloud...

"Does He know He is my priority?"

I am at a loss.

Musings

How can I convince you what you see is real

Who am I to blame you for doubting what you feel

I was always reachin', you were just a guy I knew

I took for granted the friend I have in you

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment

Taking on the world, that was just my style

Now I look into your eyes I can see forever,

the search is over

You were with me all the while

Can we last forever, will we fall apart

At times it's so confusing, these questions of the heart

You followed me through changes and patiently you'd wait

Till I came to my senses through some miracle of fate

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment

Taking on the world, that was just my style

Now I look into your eyes I can see forever,

the search is over

You were with me all the while

Now the miles stretch out behind me

Loves that I have lost

Broken hearts lie victims of the game

Then good luck it finally struck

Like lightning from the blue

Every highway leading me back to you

Now at last I hold you, now all is said and done

The search has come full circle

Our destinies are one

So if you ever loved me

Show me that you give a damn

You'll know for certain

The woman I really am

I was living for a dream, loving for a moment

Taking on the world, that was just my style

Then I touched your hand,

I could hear you whisper

The search is over,

love was right before my eyes

Page 534 ~ Silent message

So I was feeling pretty down on myself. Rotten terrible to be exact. Ash never returned from the Forge last night. I had gotten it into my head that it was because of me... because He was so angry and disappointed. Once I got all the kids to sleep and Bull had been fed... I exited the wagon and asked Jax to listen for the kids. I promised that I would not be gone long or go far. He asked where I was going and I told Him to the Forge. He nodded... He knew my promises were real and what I said I meant. But He added that Ash was not at the Forge. I kinda frowned... though I wanted to ask where He was... perhaps I really didnt want to know. I could only once again let the images run wild of Him banging some slut off in the darkness... since I didnt peak His interest. So.. I didnt ask.. I only nodded and told Jax once again... I promise to be back quickly.

Taking a small lantern... I wove the rows till they parted to the open area where the Forge was based. The fires created a warm aura around the place and I could see Ash's interns inside.. working the shit shift through the night. I kept very quiet so as not to alert them to my presense. Behind the Forge.. between it and the stream that ran the lenght of the plains.. there were a few old tem's. Wood is a valuable commodity among Tuchuk's... and they would not be cut down unless they died. There was a peg hammered into one of the tree's to which Men would hang bota's or tools.. sometimes vests... as they worked outside on projects or the likes. Many times... I had hung a bota or a satchel of lunch for Ash there.. as a reminder that I was thinking about Him. Tonight... I was going to leave something more.. profound... to let Him know just how much.. I needed Him. I hung the oil lamp on the peg and took out my dagger. Carefully and slowly.. I took the point of my blade to the bark of the tem. I made sure I did not cut to deep or engrave my design too hard that the tem would reject it and begin to die. I was cautious... but I was happy with the outcome.

When Ash reported to work in the morning and went to hang His bota or His vest on the peg... He would see my message. There would be no doubt who had left it.. and no doubt of it's message. Scrolled into the bark of the tem was a heart... with the words etched inside.. "I Love You"

I could tell Him over and over these words everyday... but something perhaps about seeing them... might show Him that I meant them. And... that I was honestly and truely sorry.

And I was.

When I returned back to the fires as promised... Jax asked if everything was alright. I tried a smile and nodded. "It will be.... I hope." He also nodded "Dont give up Silken. Trial and error... you'll find your way again." He said. I thanked Him with a kiss to the cheek. He gently cupped mine and then gave me a turn towards my sleeping wagon. I headed into the darkness after extinguishing the oil lamp and undressed. I brushed my hair out... even though any idea of Ash returning tonight was pushed aside... if in the chance He did... I wanted to still look beautiful for Him. I was surely excited for morning to come... wondering of Ash's reaction to my art. I wondered if He would leave the Forge to come see me.. or if He would still be so angry that it would mean nothing.

I wondered if He might ever again see me as beautiful... and find me worthy of His attention and His love.... I could.. at this point....

only hope.

Page 533 ~ Wet dream

At first... the dripping blended in with my dream. Then it became a more steady flow of water and I heard the words once more. "Wake up" Tainted with a tad bit of anger. I sat up.. cleared the water that had begun to trail down my eyes and cheeks like tiny rivers and found Ash standing over me with a now empty bota of water. Yeah well... I guess I deserved that. But I dont think I deserved the lashing and the words that followed the rest of the night. I told Him I was sorry for being out so long... kinda leaving the "lost" part out.. cause I was alittle embarassed. It was a volley of words back and forth between us. Most of what He said really cut me down and hurt. I guess I deserved that too... but not the distance He put between us. Im so not use to that kind of... punishment... if that's what it was. If it wasnt a punishment... then it was just plain ole cruel. I dont know what to think or do at this point. And it just got worse when He wanted me to say something that I didnt see as valid. I mean.. I saw His side.. and I knew my side... and admitting one was right and one was wrong seemed pointless. I did not omit information because I didnt trust Him. I just didnt think to tell Him things that really werent important at the time. Ash isnt a chit chatter... or one to listen to idle prattle. So.. not telling Him full details of certain things just didnt cross my mind as a trust issue. Skies... Ive told this Man things that Ive never told anyone in all my years. And I told Him because I trusted Him to hold these things near and dear. Doesnt He remember those things? Didnt that tell Him I trusted Him?

Now what do I do?

I tried to tell Him again I was sorry. I told Him from now on I would not leave out any details. But He still kept twisting that blade in my gut more and more. I felt awful. I felt sick and I felt.... about as big as an Urt. Finally I had about all I could stand and told Him that I loved Him... but I wasnt going to do these rounds with Him anymore. I knew what I did wrong. I understood... but I wasnt getting into a battle of wits any further. He wants to be right? Fine... He is right. Stop the reinforcement of my mistake... and TRUST ME to know I get it. Because I do.

I walked from the wagon to make dinner for our children. I was quiet... dumbfounded. And I didnt want to see Ash right now.

Why?

Because I know that I love Him so much.... that displeasing Him and argueing with Him hurts more than being away from Him.

Figures.

Page 532 ~ Escort service

As I walked... I rubbed my arms to keep warm. It was not bitter cold.. just not the warmth of air as we had been accustomed too in the summer months. One could tell the time of change was near. Warm days.. chilly nights. Had I planned on being out there into the night.. I would have brought a wrap. But... I had just my vest and leathers.. nothing more. I was starting to get thirsty.. but knew if I kept walked eventually I would run into the Outriders. And I did. One lone Man who seemed rather stunned that I was out here.. alone.. and unarmed with more than a few daggers. It bothered me that I had lost my way somewhat... and bothered me more the barrage of questions I received from the OR. I simply stated I was out looking for my kaiila... a last ditch effort to find it before the move. I told Him who I was.. and that I was the Mate of Ashoak. He seemed to chuckle and then reached down with an arm for me to saddle up behind Him. I accepted... knowing I needed to get back before I was in worse trouble with Ash.

We rode for a few Ahn's and finally returned to the muted sounds of a sleeping camp. I dismounted the OR's beast and started towards my personal wagons when I noticed the Outrider trailing me. I kept turning to look over my shoulder... He just smiled and followed along. Once I reached my wagons.. He held His mount and slid from the saddle. A rather intense... kinda on the angry side of pissed Jax emerged from the shadows and just glared at me. I gave Him a smile.. intent on weasling my way from this with it.. but He just stared me down in silence before heading off to speak with the OR. While they spoke... I looked around and saw no signs of life other than a fire in the main camp... to which.. I moved to and began to warm my hands. Jax and the OR clasped a handshake and the Man left. I then became aware of a hand on my elbow.. escorting me rather firmly to my sleeping wagon. Jax was silent... this was never good.. so I whispered. "Everything ok?" He grunted and pushed me up the steps by the arm. When I reached the top of the platform and peeked inside... I saw it was empty within. "Where's Ash?" I said.. looking to Jax. "Out looking for YOU!" He growled. Eeps. "Sorry.. I guess I should go find Him..." I said.. and in turning Jax gave a firm No! And told me that the OR was going to get Him and let Him know I was safe and back at the wagons. He then just gave me a small shove... with the words.. "Inside... warm up and try to rest till He returns" I could only nod. This had not been my intention... but sometimes... I was still scatterbrained when it came to dealing with emotion and resolve of issues. Jax told me before He closed the door that everything was ok. Bull was fine.. and the rest of the children were sleeping. This gave me alittle piece of heart to nod and sit near the fire bowl to warm up.

Laying curled near the small warmth of flame.. I drifted to sleep lightly. Trying to remain aware of approaching sounds. But I must have missed the steps He took.. or He perhaps snuck in silently... because the next thing I knew my shoulder was being grasped and I heard Ash's voice as a shake was given to it....

"Wake up"

Too late to play dead.

Page 531 ~ If your happy and you know it......

...... run away.

I cant deal with it... this whirling mist of emotions that seizes me like a vise Ash uses in the forge. One moment Im calm... the next Im sad.. the next utterly happy and the next pissed off so bad I want to kill. I dont fucking get it ! ! ! He tells me to tone it down.. but then it's too much... like the walking dead. Then perhaps I need to loosen up... but oh wait ! Not that much... we need to find a happy medium for Silken. Something in the grey area. Hmmmm. The grey area? Why is this perverbial area grey in the first place? Why not.. green... or yellow.. or orange... or my favorite red. Cause damnittadusts... Im seeing red now.

We slipped into dangerous territory when it comes to me. My reliance on promises made and promises kept. Im a big keeper of that. When I promise someone something... I will force myself with all my heart to fight tooth and nail to see I can fullfill it. Why dont they understand that I was never given the chance to do this last time?? Why doesnt Ash see that this is more than guilt or pride... but something deeper? And He just pissed me off... saying.. its over.. forget about it. Its done and gone.

Fuck

Im not like that.

Skies.... I love the Man.. but sometimes.... I want to pop His bloody head off His shoulders.. shake out the shit between His ears and snap it back on. Ash is.. different then anyone Ive ever been Mated to. He is strong and loving... but He does not bend to my ways.. most of the time. I know that lately things have been strained with Him working so much at the Forge. Its not to say that I am unhappy... Skies no. I am happy. I could say that Im longing to have time with Him... and just Him... to share in things that only Mates could. That only.. I share with Him. But... it isnt possible now. I walk to the Forge and peek in at Him when He isnt looking.... watching how He works. Watching the ripple of muscle in His arms and chest as they mold the metal He loves to work with. Ive even been guilty of daydreaming about His hands on me... working me into that sculpture of perfection for His eyes. It makes me blush just thinking about it.

But.....

Back to the now. Yeah... Im pissed. And I told Him so. I dont think He has ever seen that part of me that emerged. I felt my pupils dialate when He pushed the wrong button and told me "Its over.. Its done... gone" That I should give up on my promise. And when I told Him never... never speak that to me again... and turned to leave... He said something that did not even register in my brain. Words that floated on the breeze did not even reach my ears for thought. Bull was with Aunt.. the children with tanya... and I kept walking. Straight out onto the plains. Had I found my kaiila... I would have ridden... but I walked.. and walked... ran alittle... growled and screamed. What a sight to the passing outriders I musta been. Finally.. I came upon a knoll about two or three Ahn's from the main fires. I could still see outriders siloutted in the dying light of night. Soon small fires would crop up to let me know where they stationed for the evening. I wasnt scaired... but I was cold. I didnt light a fire myself.. because I just... did not want to be found. They knew where I was.... that was enough.

I sat there as more Ahn's clicked the night away. Bad thing to let me brood. Even worse to let me sulk. With no outside input to listen too... I conclude my own decisions which... usually turn out to be very bad in judgement. Snap decisions... unrealized rational's. Hurt me... Im gonna hurt you back type shit. And then the grudge festers... boils under my skin till I explode and unleash a side of me that even terrifies me.

I tried so damn hard to get out of this mind frame. I thought about Ash... His hands... how I love His hands. His hair.. His eyes and His strenght... especially when His arms are around me protectivly. Or even the gentle touches to my hair. I thought about Bull.. and then guilt set in. He would be getting hungry... and even though I started Him on milk to help ease His hunger... I knew He needed me... and here I was Ahn's away from Him.

It was then that I rose to head back. I knew the direction but something struck me odd. I noted.... not a single camp fire among the outriders this night. I started to turn around.. looking for those dots of light and saw nothing. Almost paniced.. I spun so fast in my search and changed direction so much... I began disoriented and lost my bearings. Clouds covered the stars... I had no map. Fear set in.

Now cold and somewhat lost in direction... I ventured out to walk. Figuring I would soon run into an Outrider that could guide me back.

Only problem was......

I was headed in the wrong direction......

Further away from the Harigga.

Just great.

Page 530 ~ What's that sound?

I dunno... but it hurts.

Ive fallen into a quiet routine. Comfortable... calming. Lil Bull grows bigger every day.. as if that was possible. He is already a hellion, a good mix of Ash and myself.. but full of fire and spirit. Wants what He wants.. when He wants it and wants it yesterday. Even when Im sleeping and He wakes up.. I can pretty much feed Him without fully opening my eyes. Instinct. More so a Mother's intuition.. its a beautiful thing.

I look down on Bull alot... as He lays in my arms. I see Ash in His eyes and mouth. He has my nose and facial shape. He has my flame colored hair but Ash's wavy contour. He has Ash's calming sense of awareness and my shoot from the hip attitude. Ahhhh..... I missed this time with Vee and Ess.. being how they were taken away from me.... but each day I find a way to subtly make it up to them.. but for me.. it will forever be missing.. even if they dont remember. I will. I notice also as Bull lays there nursing... the quiet. Only the sound of His soft breathing against my flesh. Then a more prominate sound creeps into my awareness. The beating of my heart. I dont remember hearing it so profound before. Maybe I just never paid attention... maybe it never had this rhythm to it... I cant fully explain it. But when I do take note of it... it starts to hurt. Not in a pain sort of way... more like an ache or a longing. More and more I realized that... it was not saddness... but... happiness that made this happen. No sooner did it slap me in the face with a Howdie-do.. wake the fuck up.. than today. Ash just.. showed up and there when my lil heart all pitter-patter.. ouchie. I happened to be... talking to my slave logan when He did. Immediately I handed the reins over to Him... I trusted Him to do what was right. He did.. and more so. I did not argue the fact that this girl had been mine for so long... but now was His. I did not even mention it for I assumed He knew it. Why would I ever think such? Me? The one that always tried to remain an individual and never give into the thought of a Man being.. over me? A Man being my better? Yet... today... I just gave her up without a fight. Like it was natural and hoo-hah.. big deal. I actually.. kinda liked it.. how He just stepped in and took over. Wasnt so bad. Actually... conveinent. I took the time to feed Bull while Ash spoke with the girl. To my surprise.. He suddenly began to shave her head bald. Now... I know logan is a pissbucket. Much like me.. but I couldnt believe the events that next unfolded. The girl actually.... liked it! Well like is a subtle word. She actually... was getting off on it. That.. DID.. bother me. But I had Bull in my arms.. her only saving grace from the slobbering and soaking down of Ash's boots. Any other time... I would have jumped up and thrown a hissy fit for someone doing that to my property. But this time... it didnt bother me. The bitch was His after all.. and if it pleased Him to do it ... well.. then.. it pleased me.

What the fuck is happening to me????!!!!!

Did I just say that? Really? It pleased me??? If it pleased Him?

No.... I dont get it.

So I put Bull down for a nap with Aunt and left to go soak in the stream. I need to think. But I really need answers.

Damn it... why?

Why did I hafta fall in love with someone so profound and different than me.

More so... how did He do it? How did He get inside.. deeper than anyone else and break down the wall that no one ever could.

Simple.

He cared. He loved.

And so do I.

Page 529 ~ Tap the Keg

Bull. Hungry lil guy. Like His Papa... demands His meals on time. Likes to drink.. alot. Doesnt care that the kegs are running dry.. and lets us all know when they float. He gives me a look like.. well? Tap another Woman... Im hungry!! So... I get fustrated and try some diluted bosk milk.. I mean come on!! I need time to replentish the supply for Skies sake. When this works... it is good. Because Ash can feed the baby and I can get more than one Ahn of uninterupted sleep. Im stuck between sleeping and or eating and drinking to refuel. Sleep usually wins. I have relearned the art of dozing while Bull nurses. I lay on my side with Him craddled beside me.. pretty good till I need to switch sides. But that also comes naturally to clutch Him to my chest and roll over on my back.. settle Him in and back to snoozin'.

On such an occasion tonight.. I was doing so at the fires of our wagon. Ash had returned from the Forge and surprised us with an early visit. I can see the sleeplessness in His face also. We talked for alittle bit while Bull finished His meal and then fell asleep. I was cranky, but not nasty cranky. Just somber. I had been thinking about all the time I missed with Vee and Ess when Shi took them away. I had such hopes for Bull.. and I had sworn to Him that I would make sure I was always there for Him. It was these thoughts and my state of exhaustion that let me slip back to that time when the twins were taken away from me. It was such a vivid flashback that when Ash took Bull from my arms and sensed something wrong that my defenses rose up and I was thrown back to that exact moment in time when the boys were being pulled from me. There was no one else there.. just me. I felt every emotion that I could not voice or show then. I was pounding on Ash's back... screaming not to take my baby. But as quick as the vision appeared... it also retreated. How many years had I bottled up that memory? Had to be almost three. I appologized profusely. Ash didnt understand.. and I really didnt have the words to explain it. I tried.. several times and in the end I hope He understood. The mind plays terrible tricks on you when your exhausted. Aunt had offered to take the baby and the youngin's for the night. I told Her that I had to check with Ash... since Bull was His son. Much as I didnt believe it... I knew that my rights as His Mother only applied to feeding Him when He needed it. Something that bothers me more this time around.

Ash had to leave again. A small job needed His attention. I am very concerned about our lack of time together since all these jobs have come up with the move nearing closer everyday. I was mad... alittle at Him for assuming things that werent true. And I was furious at myself for allowing those memories to become playable. The children bunked up with Aunt. And She was having a blast with them.. so I decided to wait in our wagon for my Mate to return. I waited a few Ahn before bordum and sleep won over my desire to see Him.

I know He was there... His side of the furs were still warm when I woke up. I could only gather them up and hold them against me.. taking in His scent with a sigh. I missed Him so much.

I gave Jax a hollar... told Him to bring the baby back to me. I needed to have at least a part of Ash against me. Something to keep the connection alive. While I waited... I held onto those furs.

But they didnt hold me back.