So I was feeling pretty down on myself. Rotten terrible to be exact. Ash never returned from the Forge last night. I had gotten it into my head that it was because of me... because He was so angry and disappointed. Once I got all the kids to sleep and Bull had been fed... I exited the wagon and asked Jax to listen for the kids. I promised that I would not be gone long or go far. He asked where I was going and I told Him to the Forge. He nodded... He knew my promises were real and what I said I meant. But He added that Ash was not at the Forge. I kinda frowned... though I wanted to ask where He was... perhaps I really didnt want to know. I could only once again let the images run wild of Him banging some slut off in the darkness... since I didnt peak His interest. So.. I didnt ask.. I only nodded and told Jax once again... I promise to be back quickly.
Taking a small lantern... I wove the rows till they parted to the open area where the Forge was based. The fires created a warm aura around the place and I could see Ash's interns inside.. working the shit shift through the night. I kept very quiet so as not to alert them to my presense. Behind the Forge.. between it and the stream that ran the lenght of the plains.. there were a few old tem's. Wood is a valuable commodity among Tuchuk's... and they would not be cut down unless they died. There was a peg hammered into one of the tree's to which Men would hang bota's or tools.. sometimes vests... as they worked outside on projects or the likes. Many times... I had hung a bota or a satchel of lunch for Ash there.. as a reminder that I was thinking about Him. Tonight... I was going to leave something more.. profound... to let Him know just how much.. I needed Him. I hung the oil lamp on the peg and took out my dagger. Carefully and slowly.. I took the point of my blade to the bark of the tem. I made sure I did not cut to deep or engrave my design too hard that the tem would reject it and begin to die. I was cautious... but I was happy with the outcome.
When Ash reported to work in the morning and went to hang His bota or His vest on the peg... He would see my message. There would be no doubt who had left it.. and no doubt of it's message. Scrolled into the bark of the tem was a heart... with the words etched inside.. "I Love You"
I could tell Him over and over these words everyday... but something perhaps about seeing them... might show Him that I meant them. And... that I was honestly and truely sorry.
And I was.
When I returned back to the fires as promised... Jax asked if everything was alright. I tried a smile and nodded. "It will be.... I hope." He also nodded "Dont give up Silken. Trial and error... you'll find your way again." He said. I thanked Him with a kiss to the cheek. He gently cupped mine and then gave me a turn towards my sleeping wagon. I headed into the darkness after extinguishing the oil lamp and undressed. I brushed my hair out... even though any idea of Ash returning tonight was pushed aside... if in the chance He did... I wanted to still look beautiful for Him. I was surely excited for morning to come... wondering of Ash's reaction to my art. I wondered if He would leave the Forge to come see me.. or if He would still be so angry that it would mean nothing.
I wondered if He might ever again see me as beautiful... and find me worthy of His attention and His love.... I could.. at this point....
only hope.
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