and waited... and waited. Somehow I drew the strenght to not throw a fit while I sat and watched for Ash to return. For days... my routine was the same. Wake up.. find Ash gone already to the Forge.. take care of the kids... work.. then sit on the steps till I fell asleep "waiting" some more. Finally.. I could not take it anymore. I headed to the Forge.. and there in the door... I paused to watch my Mate hammering the steel that had been supplied to Him. Several times I saw His forearm rise to brush over His forehead and wipe beads of sweat from His flesh. I saw the flex of muscle and the strenght it took for Him to wield the hammers and tools. I saw concentration... determination.. and pride in His work. Everything I had been feeling.. the anger.. fustration... left me in a blink of my eyes and to fill that void was inserted guilt. Guilt that I had been feeling so selfish in my plight to spend time with Him that I'd forgotten that other's counted on Him.
For awhile I watched in the shadow of night near the doorway. A smile that had been surpressed for sometime now did creep onto my lips. I felt somewhere in my chest.. perhaps in that heart of mine that although He was elsewhere.. He was with me. Thinking of me in the dark recesses of His own mind... and for that moment I was comforted. Before He could see me... I turned and left. I did not want to bother or disturb Him.. or sidetrack His concentration with my presense. My steps were slow as I headed back to the gathering of wagons and sat on the steps for alittle while.. all the time.. the picture of my Ash working so hard kept flashing through my visions.
Guilt
It was eating me up.
I wanted to run to Him... to tell Him I was sorry for everything I had been thinking. I wanted to appologize for wanting to yell and scream at Him for neglecting me. I wanted to throw myself on the ground and thrash myself for ever thinking of swatting Him upside the head for ignoring me. I did none of these things. Instead.. I headed to the stream to wash up. If my Mate was to return to our furs to rest and sleep.. I would make sure that His Woman was dirt free... hair smelling pretty and the rest of me as wonderful as He makes me feel. I knew I would be long past asleep in our furs when He returned. And lately He did not wake me. Instead He simply pulled me against Him and held me like precious cargo. Tightly yet lovingly. Even in my sleep I sigh as He does so... finally feeling that security in His grasp. Nothing would ever harm me with Him there. Nothing could penetrate the barrier of protection and love He gives me. Though He is exhausted.. He still finds the moments to brush my hair from my face and kiss me.
In the morning.. I can still feel the warmth of His embrace around me. I can only hope to one day wake with the real thing wrapped around me. But for now.. I will have to find the strenght and comfort in just knowing He was there... and He cared.
How ever long that takes...
I will wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment