My day of solitude in the wagon was hardly a punishment if Jax tended it to be so. I more or less choose to think He was protecting me from whoever or whatever might be outside. After I had cleaned up the blood and changed clothing.. I went to work on some oil's that had been sent to the wagon's for medicines and such. I had two Warrior's in the Nightmare under my constant observation.. One.. a Young Man with severe frostbite to His hands... the other, an older Man... dehydration and confusion. It was easy to get lost in the snow.. blinded by the sheer white blanket that lays under you and also falls from the Sky. I was working constantly to save the Young Man's fingers.. He wanted to be an Iron Master... He would need them. The older Warrior just needed rest and caring. I was tending to the Young Warrior when I heard my name called from outside. It was Nette and She was beckoned in with a responce. When She entered.. I so wanted to smile and felt the muscles in my face try to do so.. but it just wouldnt happen. She asked if Ramza could come in as well. I told Her to let Him stay outside.. maybe something would freeze and fall off Him. I was thinking His head.. the one above His shoulder's.. but.. Nette voiced a different appendage that She did want to break off. So.. He stood in the doorway while Nette made Herself at home. Now.. there is something about Ramza that bothers me. Always has. I know I spoke for Him when He arrived.. and I asked Jerus to sponser Him and He did so... and also.. it's not like I expect a thank you or eternal gratutity for such.. but.. still Ramza rubs me the wrong way. He is less than sociable. Never around the fire's unless a slave is there and if He is there.. He is much like a ghost. He does not speak to other's.. simply caresses the slaves that He calls to Him and winds up leaving with them.. carried off to His wagon for time alone. He is... in my book.. an anti-social fursleen. Unless the flesh around Him can be bent to His will and whim and manipulated by His hands. He always seems to be in a rush to leave.. even with Nette. Like He can only be with Her or a slave in private. This was again confirmed when He stayed only a few Ehn and then suddenly had to leave. It surprised me that Nette stayed... and yes.. the first red flag went up that something was wrong with my Sister. We sat and talked.. and I could tell by what I said.. I was striking chords within Nette. She didnt have to tell me what was wrong.. I figured it out myself. Yet our talk was over before it really began or I could help... She had to leave. Im sure to go to Ramza who was whining and/or insisting She return to their wagon. I sighed when She disappeared outside.. and I was mad. Mad that She allowed Herself to be put into this situation... one we both had so desperately tried to escape. I could do nothing but be there for Her and I would continue to do so.
I returned to work... my knee still throbbing and wrapped to protect it from the cold. About an Ahn later.. Jax appeared next to my table. He gently threw a fur over my shoulders and bundled me up.. helping me to my feet where He pulled me against His side to aid me in walking outside. I was taken to the side of my wagon where He pointed out something on the canvas. I had to squint to look closer.. and there I saw handprints. Bloody handprints. He had me look down.. showing me one set of footprints that led from the darkness to the back of my wagon. How the tiny feet were staggered.. shuffling and where they finally stopped facing my wagon. He explained that He and His men had tracked the lone prints from the outer rings of wagons... then to my wagon.. where once they left the side of it.. they moved forward to the steps.. then further on where they met up finally with another set. Mine. Jax walked me back into the wagon and sat me down on the furs near the main fire bowl of the Nightmare. I could see the pain in His eyes and hear it in His voice as He appologized for thinking I could have killed the slave. It was evident now that whatever had attacked her.. was out in the darkness. she had managed to get to my wagon.. leaning against it with bloodied hands before spotting me walking back from the Central wagon that night. As He began to piece this together... I suddenly remembered the girl.. bumping into me.. grabbing at my chest for support.. my hair tangled in her fingers as She slid down and collapsed. I had crouched down to aid her.. I had tried to save her.. to stop the spurts of blood that drained from her wounds. With her last breath she flopped face down in the snow. Jax continued to work His way around saying He was sorry. I simply shrugged it off. Just doing your job.. I told Him. He stood and had some broth.. some hot blackwine brought in for me.. and asked if I wanted company. I told Him no.. that I had to tend to my patients. He turned in silence. I was glad. I didnt need Him doting over me. I didnt blame Him.. I didnt blame myself. When He paused at the door.. he whispered.. "Your babies need you" I sighed and nodded. "Bring them to me" I said and He exited out into the cold. Moments later He returned with two crying.. squirming bundles and handed them down to me. Both the boys fussed as I settled them and pushed the small cowls back to expose their adorable faces and red hair. There was no denying they were mine. Each child fed held close to my body while I leaned against a crate near the firebowl. I knew deep down they were mine... yet I still felt like something was missing. It was something I felt I would not get an answer to. But there was one thing I did know...
this feeling was familar.
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