with myself.
I did not find Tarra home when I went to Her wagon. I looked around and saw Ulric who said She was out. Giving Him a nod... I asked that He please tell Her I wished to see Her... no emergency.. at Her conveinence. He nodded and I rushed back off to return to my wagon before Ash did. I ran up the steps and quickly cleaned up from my journey during the day. Once I was presentable.. I headed out to make dinner and was more than surprised to hear a greeting from Ash that now sat at the fire. I really dont want to relive what happened.... just that we got into a rather intense discussion about me. He asked me "Who am I to you? A Patient? A Mate?" Well.. sometimes.. He was both. I was getting more irate by the Ihn. And when He asked again.. I told Him.. A Mate. He didnt believe me. He wants to see me.. not the healer.. but the Silken that remains in hiding. I just dont know how to do that. Walls that go up quickly.. tend to take time in coming down.... but just how patient is Ash? Apparently.. not very. He left me with a statement before riding out to the plains. "You Silken.. need to ask yourself some questions" I replied.. "Ive been asking questions all my life" and Ash added... "Then your not asking the right one's" Then He was gone. Took off on kaiila back and left me standing there stewing in my own anger. I climbed the steps and slammed the door closed.. I paced.. I growled.. cussed and threw things.
After my tantrum subsided.. I removed this journal from the old satchel and began to write. Who am I? What am I?
Silken the healer:
Cold, heartless, emotionless, uncaring..... Bitch
Silken the Mate:
.... scaired.
I drove the quill into the entire line of the healer part... tearing into the parchment in spots. I didnt want to see it. I dont want to face myself if this is how I am seen. I dont want to face anyone if this is how they see me. As the tears fall down my cheeks... blurring my vision and pooling over my legs and these pages... I wonder....
who am I?
really....
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