It has been a rough week. Things revealed..things that remain hidden. More questions replace answered questions...but I suppose that is life. Ive always said life is filled with a trail of twists and turns. Depending on which trail you take decides the outcome. Ive also always wondered what would have happened if I took the other trail. Would the outcome have been worse? Was it at all possible that that could happen?
I think too much.....
I am thrilled to have seen Cana... up and about at the fires. Got me a smooch from Her.. I returned the jesture with a hug. Very pleased that She knew I had delivered goodies and was worried about Her. I was not so happy to hear a certain Healer restricted Her diet... but.. I somehow kept my mouth shut on that one. Personally.. I wanted to see Her eat. She is beautiful in any state.. even thin... but She is even more glowing fully healthy. I was sure to deliver more cookies packed with essentials to help Her bulk up just alittle more.
I also saw Kam. It had been ages since that came about. He was met with a tackle of hugs and kisses. Of course He asked if I had been good. Obviously.. I had been because wouldnt He have heard if I wasnt? Heehee. We spoke alittle before the fires filled up. It was.... nice.
And then there is Ash. Skies... what more can I say about Him? He has been my saving grace. We learn new things about each other every day. I can honestly say that Im beginning to fall in love with the big lug. Though I am still hesitant to give myself up completely to love.... I still harbor that fear it is going to be ripped away from me. Ash told me that in holding myself away... I am missing out on what I do have. Be it a short time.. or a long long time... why should I waste it? He's right. Maybe I will give Him that key and just jump in feet first. Things happen that I cant control... why should I suffer any more at my own hands? I know... I know... Im learning.
Last night was a huge step for me. I was speaking to Jax about a few things when unbeknownst to me.. Ash had come up to the wagons. He watched our exchange and when Jax left.. He asked me if we had always been "this close"? Well... yes. We had. Closer at times too, no less, though I did not voice that part. I sensed a small hint of... jealousy and it was rather sexy on Him. In any case.. that was not my main focus. I spoke to Ash about Wily and His desire to earn His name... and also to work as His apprentice at the Forge. We agreed that when Wily was comfortable and ready ... He would seek Ash out. I have a feeling this wont be long. I turned my attention to Ash going back to work at the Forge. After His injury.. I was admittedly scaired of Him doing so... that is.. until I came up with the information that His eye could be fixed. If not perfect.. it would be a hell of alot better. So tonight.. I showed Ash that His eye was not dead. I got the special lamp.. the one with the long tube that shines a beam of light for direct application. I brought it to the supposed dead eye... covered His good eye.. and manuvered the beam towards the back of His eye. I know He saw it.. He ducked. He was very quiet. Im sure He didnt know what to make of it.. or understand it. Then... I hit Him with what I wanted to do... err what I hoped to do. I told Him how the healer's of Earth did this proceedure and replaced the damaged scar tissue and in most cases.. vision was restored. I wanted to do this for Him.. since He had done so much for me. I know that our medical abilities are much better than Earth's.. and with the years and years of information and training that Keys got from the Tuchuk and from some Barbarian's.. I just knew I could do it. Ash asked me... if it didnt work.. would I be alright with that. He said He knew how I was with just a normal patient.. how perfection was the only thing accepted. How would I react with Him.. if it failed? I simply told Him.. I would be hurt.. disappointed and angry if it didnt work... but it just had to try. I mean.. what was there to lose? He cant see from it now... any return of vision would be great. We discussed where the lens would come from. I said.. prolly a dweller.. someone from a passing Caravan.. maybe even a slave. He grew alittle uncomfortable with my offerings. "A slave?" He said. I nodded and said.. "What does it matter? If you can see again... see our babies someday.. see.. me." Well that calmed Him right down. I did add a few visual's of thought for Him to chew on.. heh. Which.. sparked a rather fine... reaction.
It was late when we finished talking. I had planned a wonderful night for tomorrow. Kinda like a pre new eye date. A warm bath... some berries and treats. If He enjoys this... just imagine how much He will with the restoring of His full vision.
I only hope I am as beautiful to Him with two eyes... as I was with one.
If not... Im going to sew a patch over that eye....
permanently.
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