Ash was busy in the Forge... again. Not that Im complaining.. I suppose I am use to if not getting use to Him working alot. The move requires much for everyone... who am I to be selfish. Uhhhhh.. exactly. Ive been keeping busy.. making sure the wagon's are up to keep and nothing is falling beyond simple repairs. Ive been stocking the supply wagons.. makign extra salves.. oils and remedies. I will need to take a trip to the trade post soon and get bandages and such to pile up for whatever may come. Ive also been making lots of cookies. Not spending time in the making of the Paga lately... has given me Ahn's in the day to find something else constructive to work on. Its not that Ive lost interest in paga brewing... but I know that Ash isnt exactly fond of me being there. Temptions He just may feel are too great for me... though.. He has not actually voiced His objection to my being there... I just gave the job to Dakota. Kota looked at me rather funny when I told Him I wanted Him to take over. He placed a hand to my forehead.. asking if I felt alright. I told Him I was fine... and that I just had too much on my plate.. something needed to go. So.. Dakota now does the brewing. Seems to fix a few things that worried me. But... back to baking. Ive discovered cookies. Sweet biscits and breads. I had lots of stone and idea's on how to make an oven of sorts. It took alot of trial and error... and in the end I was trying to make something more difficult that it was. It's that... undying urge to always be perfect or at least... make things really good. Eventually... after Jax told me not to try so hard... I went with a simply box design of stone and hardened clay. The first batch of cookies burned... had to lower the fire and make it smaller. The second batch was better... more adjustment on heat. But the third came out perfect.. chewey on the inside.. crispy on the outside. I was rather pleased with myself. I got to making shapes.. all kinds. Little bosk.. vulo... bones... swords... wheels. Anything I could think of... the possibilities were endless. The kids found them fun.. and it kept them busy trading different shapes for one's someone else got. Now here's where I went.. alittle.. whacko. After the kids went off to their various lesson's... I got alittle... frisky in my cookie making. Shaping up some boobs, which Ayguili got a basket of. Some tiny pecker's.. which of course a few of the Women got... and a nice batch of ass. Yep.. Ass cookies. I'd felt like one.. especially in how I reacted to trying to appologize to Fonce.. and in the doing of it... I felt bad for Sev having to witness that. I sent Her a box of the Ass cookies... and a note that I was sorry for being an "ass". It was worse when at the fires... She brought the box out and needed Fonce to read the note. From now on... Sev would get picture notes.. because I nearly sunk into the ground when She had to get Fonce to read my little... message. There were snickers.. jokes and "looks". Just shoot me now... was all I could think of. But in the end.. Sev came over and thanked me for the cookies. I hoped She understood why... but the talking too would just wait until a more quiet time.
I left soon after and headed to the stream. Sliding into the cool water for some relaxtion. I am still learning to battle my phobia's and not take the direct jabs at humor to heart.. so I needed this cooling off. I heard Fonce and Sev coming closer in the darkness. They stood not far from where I was soaking.. and when I heard the conversation taking place.. I quickly announced.. they were not alone. I heard words cut off and then they greeted me. I told them.. give me an Ehn and I would leave.. but Fonce said I didnt have to. I knew better... a couple doesnt come to a private spot to speak.. only to have an eavesdropper sitting there. Fonce was being.. testy. I was getting pissy... another bad combination.. and it finally culminated in Him snapping at me. Saying He didnt deserve or appriciate my.. attitude. Yeah.. whatever. He left... as He always does.. running off with Sev in tow.
So? I try to hard. I think I dont try enough most times. But for sure.. this time left me confused and baffled. Sometimes.. just saying Fuck it.. works.
It did for me.
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