Sure... everything is calm now. Quiet.. actually serene. How could anyone have such troubles when you look over the Plains. The beauty of the green grass.. the roaming bosk.. a welcoming bright blue Sky that children play under.. learning life. The pages of my heart feel heavy. Ready to burst.. spill forth all that I hold inside. I just dont... know... where.. to.. turn! I cannot confide in Aunt anymore. She calls me a silly child. Fonce.. called me a silly impatient Woman for wanting to go with Ramza that night Nette disappeared. Keyword here... silly. If Im so silly.. then.. why bother to talk of things? Exactly. I wont. I dont need more downing.. I need... uping. I need help..... but.. from where? from who?
Wily left a few days ago. He went with Jax to help find Nette. Leonette... My only confidante now gone. Perhaps it is this light that has me so riled. So upset. On one side.. I want to go with them. But I promised Ayguili I would not. I know many expect me to... surprisingly... I have not. On the other side... I know I cant. I cant leave. I can ride to the edge of the herds and send my whispers on the winds... hoping Nette comes home... hoping She knows I really need Her. Yet... not even that boot toe has crossed the edge of the herd. Any red hair past that invisable line.. blew there on the winds. That's for sure.
The fires. Ugh. Dont want to be there. I know why. Ive heard why. And I dont think I can measure up. Im too old for this fight. Simply... I dont want to fight anymore. I am not tuned into stalking. I am not trained for this type of battle. I dont know what to do.. and I hate it. Can you tell me... what to do about this storm inside of me? How much longer can I let it brew.. let it soak me... till my banks are ready to break and the insides of me ooze out like rain driven mud? Once.. I may have had the answer to this. I.... dont now. I dont "guess" well. I need black and white... with some grey matter in between. Why put up the fight.. if you know your going to lose? But what is He losing? What inner secrets and workings will never come to light? What will He miss.. of me?............. Everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment