Days pass. Sometimes I wasnt sure just what it was. Dark or light. Sure.. there was light filtering in. But without contact.. your mind play tricks on you and you tend to question even the rational. I ate.. ravenous at times. Afraid they might forget about me and stop bringing it. I even took to storing a few bites from each meal.. just in case. No.. this was not paranoia.. but it was survival. Something I could remember from my past when I was once held captive. I wanted air.. and freedom. I wanted to know where the fuck Shi was and why hadnt He come. He said He would only be a message away.. but even that now seemed to have slipped away. Another thing that had me storing supplies. I didnt know when and If He would ever return now. And if He did.. it could be months. I started talking to myself outloud... just to break the silence. It was normal. One not allowed the return of communication.. one deprived of human contact would only naturally do it to keep from totally losing their mind. Sensory deprivation. Yes. A torturers trick. Usefull.. unforgiving. But I will not let it get to me. When I heard the steps of my morning meal coming to be dropped off. I thought to rush the door. I thought to burst outside.. even if to feel the ground beneath me and draw the air into my lungs. That would satisfy them.. wouldnt it. Yes. I remained in my corner... outwardly resembling that of a frightened animal. But inward.. inside.. I was seething with pent up emotions that needed an outlet. The trips to the trenches.. were hardly a condolance. They were not under my own control.. other than the need to my body to rid itself of normal wastes. I had to ask. I could not go under my own power. I could not just walk out and where I wanted. The worst was the twins had been taken to Shi's wagons. It had been ordered. And now it had been carried out. All of my children were gone. The Ubar made the request that the children would be cared for by their Father's families. Thankfully.. Aunt, Wily, Talia, Starr, Mia and Sonny were already with Jerus' familes well before this.. spared this last bit of indignant recourse. Perhaps this visit was more than sheer coincidence and my agreeance to it was more than a simple acknowledgement that they needed to be elsewhere. My plate was set inside. A basket of bread.. a bota of water. Some meats and cheese. I only moved when the door was closed and brought the items to my corner. Sitting back to eat... and having a rather intense one sided conversation. When I was finished.. I rose and went to the door. I knocked.. I called out that I needed to tend to business. The door was opened and I stepped outside.. a hand to my elbow led me away. I had the increadable desire to bolt. To throw an elbow into the guards ribs and just take off. I would not get far.. my leg still hindered me. But the idea was there. Relief was tended to and on the way back I saw Jax. I tore my arm from the guard and ran as I could to Jax.. grabbing His shoulders.. shaking Him... "Please.. for the love of the Skies... PLEASE.. talk to me !!" I was trembling.. shaking. And I was harshly gathered back up and spun around to be forcefully returned to that wagon. I went limp like a child that did not get their way... I floundered.. spun.. twisted.. all to no avail. He was bigger than me. But I did catch Jax's look.. a pained.. twisted.. trying to control Himself expression that made me stop in my attempts to thwart confinement. I returned to the wagon without further incident. I sat back to my corner.. took my bota... and sighed... "How are the bosk?" "Are the quiva's sharp?" "The axles greased?" Carrying on the conversation with the only Tuchuk that was allowed to speak. Me.
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