I was happy to be free. Free from the guard of captivity.. though I still have these shadows following me. Jai came and visited my fires. I can say I was honestly not too thrilled to see Him. Everything started out on the wrong foot. He asked me how I was fairing under the care of the Ubar. I told Him I couldnt complain.. even though that struck a chord in me that could have shattered glass. It wasnt how this was to turn out apparently. Nope.. not exactly. Ive heard that from a few people. Not exactly what you expected Silken.. is it. Uhhhhh. No. Would have been nice not to invade and have to answer to the Ubar.. well .. at least directly. Like being under His thumb. Sheshhh. Not good.. nope.. not exactly.
I started missing the twins. I had an itchin to go see them and before I did something stupid.. I went to the fires to see what else I could occupy my time with. Thankfully.. it was just Fonce and Nette. I was happy to see my Sister. I was happier to see Fonce. I'd missed Him when the move of my wagon's came about and the was much to say to Him. There still is. I had Jax take a note to Him that I wished some of His time to talk. Explain. Maybe He could get a better understanding of what I tried to say before. Did I think He would get it? Nope.. not exactly. But I would try. I kissed His cheek.. I thanked Him for saving me from the darkness when I was locked away. I meant it.. I hope He knew.
So we all talked.. joked... it was like things were. Well as close as they could be given my new situation. I talked to Cana.. I cried.. whined.. broke down. She somehow convinced me to not go and get my boys... not till Ba'atar was involved in what to do.. right from wrong.. etc. There did come a point where I was going to just walk to the wagon's and see them. But surprisingly.. Fonce said something that make me rethink and not go. Did that go like I planned? No.. not exactly. Dont know why I trust Him.. but I do. And He didnt say it like a Man speaking to a child.. which is how I feel some people do. He gave His opinion and let me make the final decision. Im kinda wondering had my choice been not the right one.. would He have stopped me? I hope He would have. I'd like to think He's got my ass and watching my back. I need all the guidance I can get right now.
Somewhere.. In the middle of all the... re-introduction of myself back into life.. the drums sounded of tresspassers on the Plains. Now.. there wasnt any danger.. otherwise we would have been thrown under the wagons and left to get ready to defend if need be. But still.. I felt very uneasy.. very nervous. I felt nekkid without my weapons. At least a dagger... Skies.. a butter knife would have eased the twitches I was feeling. I excused myself and went to load up my satchel with needles and sharp objects... returning to the fires feeling just alittle better.. but not exactly.
There was much going on to occupy the mind then. Slaves came out of the woodworkings and one's that have not been around for a long long time suddenly returned as well. I didnt recognize sleen till she coiled around Fonce's leg. Well.. there is another good thing now that Fonce is back... the slaves reappeared. Ha. Guess the rest of the Free arent worth the time to come and serve. It annoyed me... because there is no reason to make other's feel less than worthy of time and attention... but.. it is not me they reflect on. Its just not my problem to be concerned about. I know when tanya isnt busy at the clan wagons she serves.. Women and Men alike.. there is no favoritism or selective serving. That is how it should be.. but it's not. Not exactly. Do other's see it like I do? Does anyone really care? Do I?
Not exactly.
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