Not long after Fonce left... The door opened rather violently.. almost swung off the frame. There was no gentleness to His voice and no greeting.. Only a simple.. What did you do. His voice did not raise even into a questioning tone.. and it was then I knew that again I was being judged for my past regressions. I had no chance of explaining. But I did. I told my side of the story and I spoke that I made a mistake.. that I reverted back to when teasing with a blade was almost akin to foreplay. I understood... now.. to this Tribe.. in this day and age that it was seen differently. Fonce had also said the same. I offered to make ammends and give my appologies to Sef... but that had yet to be answered by the Ubar. In the darkness.. the figure then moved towards me. Even in the onyx shadows I could see that Shi held no expression. He pulled me up to stand and tore the clothing from my body. I had the urge to draw my arms about me.. to shield myself.. to hide from His view.. but I could not move. In that instant.. in one beat of my heart.. He had humilated and shamed me. I was frozen as He looked over my body and said that He saw nothing that would deem me a Male. I wanted this over.. I wanted this done.. I wanted to get away to run.. flee... escape. I could only answer each statement or question and further deepen myself into that pit of shame. He spoke sharply to me with each moment that passed... and when He said that a collar about my neck would make me lose more than freedom.. that I would lose my children... I snapped. I screamed at Him to then stop making me act like a Father AND a Mother... then everything fell apart. Because He did not "see" me.. did that mean that I was not around for my children? Wouldnt that turn the table and make everything that I was expierencing.. the same for Him? Yes. I just didnt want to argue. There was no explaining my side when He was in this justification mode. When I told Him I could not live like this anymore... not seeing Him.. Him not seeing me... that's when the seed was planted in my brain that I could be killed. Killed or collared. Either way.. either punishment was death. I asked that I be allowed to say goodbye to my children. He told me that it could wait. He left me.. standing in a pile of my clothing in this wagon I have come to hate. I hate the smell.. I hate the shape.. I hate the darkness.. the light. The noises it makes. It is... my captor. Survive.. I whispered to myself.. gathering up the remnants of my leathers and setting them aside. I took a wrap and tied it around me till I could get more suitable clothing brought to me. And then I sat.. back in that corner. Yes.. there were many times I wished to die in this muttled life of mine. Many times I danced with the edge of the mists.. and many times I prayed for it to just swallow me whole. But now.... now.. at this moment.. I wanted to Survive. I wanted to live.. free and happy. I am a Woman.. one in need of companionship.. one in need of friendship.. one in need of a shoulder to cry on. Arms to hold me.. Hands to caress me.. fingers to brush that strand of hair from my eyes.. to tuck it back behind an ear. I am a Woman that needs to be listened to.. not talked to. Not danced around and played like an instrument.
There is no doubt.. I am a Woman.
The tears that slide down my cheeks... dripping to the rounded tops of breasts.. down the curves of a feminine stomach.. to the valley of my thighs...
No.. I am definately.. a Woman.
or...
Is it you.. that has forgotten?
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