Page 434 ~ Hanging on

How many days now... have I been secluded from the world.. from life... from the warmth of the Central Fire on my body.. the wind in my hair... fresh air. Ive lost count. I feel myself breaking down... I am loosing myself between these walls.. unforgiving... undauting... bloody hell bent on stripping me of every last fiber of sanity wooden walls. When I catch myself pacing.. I say to myself that Im just excersizing.. keep moving.. dodge... avoid.. escape. Was that my name? I think so ! But Someone was outside... that I remembered well... it was now burnt into my brain and filed in a place where I kept precious memories. It was Fonce.. and I was invited outside again ! Skies... the air! It smelled so fresh... so clean.. I was forgetting more and more each time what it was like. I was dressed as best I could.. a black wrap around my upper body and one around my lower. To say Fonce was happy.. well... He said I needed a bath and I looked like shit. That was Fonce.. blunt and to the point. Always respected Him for that. He asked what happened... and I told Him what transpired. I was surprised when He gave me His tunic. But I didnt hesitate to put it on. He said He would see about getting me some proper clothing. I just wanted a bath.. to wash my hair and brush it. Cant say I would give His tunic back right away... it made me feel.. less isolated... like someone knew I was still here.. that I was still alive. Forgotten maybe.. but still alive. We talked for a short time.. He told me He had heard on the winds that Tarra was very ill. I almost bolted from the area to run and find Her. But I knew that would not be wise. I asked Him to get word to Her... I wished I could say them myself. He said He would see what He could do. And then He said He needed to go find the Ubar. I could have dug my nails into His arm right down to bone. I wanted to scream... please! dont leave me here! I cant go back in there! But... I didnt. Anyhow.. He knew. He knew what I was thinking and He promised me that everything would be ok soon. Would it? Or would things be back to where they started atime ago. Would I be blamed for everything that had gone wrong? It would all be my fault anyhow... this.. was confirmed. All I could do was try and weave my way through the muck and hope to make it out on the other side. Still.. there was something nagging at me.. I was forgetting things. I wouldnt let on to anyone... not yet. Not when I was under such intense scrutiny. Had I truely cracked? Had I been broken? Was this what it was like to be... at someone's mercy? I would not get any answers to further racking of my brain. Fonce left before I made it to the wagon steps. I had to literally throw myself up those steps.. drag myself into the wagon... and I spun around and began to bang my fists on the door as it was closed. "please! Let me out! I dont want to be in here anymore! please ! PLEASE!" My cries went unanswered... my plea's fell upon deaf ears. But I didnt stop... not till my knuckles bled a rich crimson and I crumpled to the floor against the door....passed out from exhaustion. Even then... the dreams began......