When I woke.. it was still dark. I still had the amazing sensation that I had been floating. Maybe like flying.. like a herlit.. or a tarn. Free.. on the winds that blow over the plains. I had been somewhere.. someplace.. but I could not remember where. All I knew is... for those moments... I was free. Several Ahn's later.. smal cracks of light began to filter into the wagon. The sounds of morning about the camp began to edge their way into my ears. I knew breakfast would be coming soon and at least I could catch a glimpse of someone and say Tal. It was not the usual pitter-pat of a slave that climbed the steps... but heavy boots. I watched as the door opened.. and then the jaw drop of seeing Jax. I ran to Him and hugged Him so tightly that I actually got a grunt from Him. He peeled me away from Him and wrapped an arm around my shoulders... leading me back in the wagon to sit. The plate of food set to a table.. which I pushed away. Food did not matter.. company on the other hand.. did. He seemed to dance with something.. twisting.. frowning.. and finally.. He spoke. "Silken... I have to tell you something." I nodded. "Yes Jax? what..." My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach... Skies.. please.. dont let it be one of the kids. My own heart began to beat fast in my chest.. I thought it would jump and shatter my ribs to bust from my body. "The Ubar has announced that the Mating to Shi... is dissolved. Im sorry. You are the Ward of the Ubar now." He said. Now.. on one hand.. I was upset. I have always loved Shi. I always will. But.. things just became wrong between us. His mind and attention were elsewhere... trying to gain back His command.. and His life. This did not mean I wouldnt miss Him.. because I would.. as I had all this time while He worked. The other side was... He was free now. He did not have to worry about me... or listen to me gripe and complain.. and no one could run to Him with the Guess what Silken did.. routine anymore. This also meant that I was free. No longer did I have the anxiety or pangs of emotions that would fester inside over being or not being with Him. Hopefully.. we would remain friends. Good friends. But it was time to let go of the fantasy and realize that I was not the Woman for Him. He deserves better. I looked to Jax and nodded... Jax relaxed... He had tensed.. bracing Himself for whatever I might throw at Him.. verbally or physically. When neither occured.. the Man looked perplexed. "say something Silks..." He said. Nothing came to mind. Not a fucking word. Nil. One brow dropped as I searched for words... anything that made sense... and finally.. a phrase popped into my head. "Would you please thank Cana for everything. The food has been delicious" I murmered softly. There was no tone.. no inclination or accent on anything... it was just a monotone drab of a sentance. "Everything will be better soon Silken, You'll see." Jax said as He stood and walked to the door.. disappearing back outside. Ive heard this phrase several times now. But soon wasnt coming any... sooner. I was still a captive in the sense of the word... I was still confined and set aside from my family. And now.. I was just.. a burden on the Ubar.. Cana.. and His wagons. I was that.. person that didnt have a home.. a family.. but had to be fed and watered. I have no family left. Only Aunt. But She is a Woman and unable to speak for me. So by default.. that poor Man.. the Ubar gets stuck with me. Feeling down and useless... unwanted and forgotten... I curled up back on the furs. Hoping that I could sleep.. at least in dreams... I could roam.. ride.. run. The wind in my hair.. the warmth on my face. In my dreams.. I was no one's burden.
Only my own.
No comments:
Post a Comment