Page 443 ~ Things

tanya came running to the wagon. At first I thought something.. or someone was chasing her. she was breathless... obviously having run from the herds. Between breaths I got.. Cana and Babies. I knew exactly what she was talking about. I dropped everything.. grabbed a satchel I had made up and took off running myself. When I arrived.. I noticed that I had become weaker over the past few hands than I thought or dared to admit. My muscles threatened to cramp.. I felt like throwing up.. and I couldnt breathe. I was really happy to see Fonce.. But moreso there before me.. was Cana. A beautiful baby in Her arms and a twin to match sleeping in a basket beside Her. I couldnt help but pull back the blanket to peek at the sleeping lil girl. Yes.. girl's. Ba'atar finally missed the stem on the ole larmas. I would not let Him live this one down.. not anytime soon. Cana was sweet enough to let me hold one of the napping babes. I wont lie.. I felt a tightening in my stomach and I yearned for my boys more fiercely. But I managed to swallow that down and focus on the newlings. They were so sweet and Cana said I could come help Her with them. I hastily agreed.. though thinking on it later would have my doubts.. I would still do it. I gave Her some of Mia's old clothes... and promised to look for Talia's and Starr's tonight.

Somehow... the conversation turned to the rain last night. Or.. it would seem.. the rain that only fell on my wagon. Into my wagon... and on my head. Could it be.. another one of my dreams? Or perhaps.. I had been sleepwalking again. A thought that I verbally spoke of that seemed to spark concern with Fonce and Cana. I watched as Fonce's brows raised.. lowered.. and a few of His expressions caused me concern. It wasnt all that bad. Ive been doing this for many envars.. nothing bad ever happened. It just seemed to get worse when I was... unsupervised. Mostly when I was lost in my own thoughts that wanted to drive me crazy. Cana seemed to think that perhaps someone was perusing around my wagon.. and had Gannon tighten up security. I also noticed something in Fonce's voice... when I mentioned not caring before about concequences. Was it a warning? Or what it just something my mind hoped to make up as something consequential. I never noticed His smile before. There are alot of things I never took the time to see. Being.. I was always Mated. But now.. as if my eyes have been opened and freedom granted.. I notice alot of things.. and I like them. Out of respect for my Mate's.. I never spoke to Fonce about certain ideals and thoughts. It is now as if a gate has been open and I can finally get the truth's to questions I really needed to know. I always wanted to walk with Him.. talk with Him.. for He holds a great knowledge and compassion to my plight. He always would lend and ear.. a shoulder.. or a hand. And in the past days and hands... He has become a very special part of my life. Something I dont want to lose.. or screw up. There are many things I need to tell Him. I'd like to get to know Him better. I want to thank Him for visiting with me when I was confined. I want to tell Him that I was sorry for being a thorn in His side. And so much more. I'd like for Him to get to know me. The real me. The one that doesnt have to hide behind wall's for protection. The Silken that trusts Him.. The Woman that can and is me. Not many have had that. There is only one living person that knows.. and He isnt talking. I hope I am not being stupid.. trusting Him. I dont think I am. I dont want it to turn out that way. Yet.. I dont honestly know much about Him. But I do know that when I am with Him.. that hard.. protective shell slowly chips away. Its a great feeling. Im thankful to have been given the opportunity to emerge. Only He and Cana made the effort when I struggled this time. That says alot to me. They didnt give up.. they didnt wash their hands. They comforted with advice.. and helped me get back on the right path. They didnt condemn me for what happened. And I grew stronger for it. It is.. because of them.. that I can hold my head up and move forward without questioning myself. I am forever in their debt.

Things.. it's good to have them.. and even better to share them.

And I want to.