I grew tired of pacing... I grew tired of the sound of my boots. So.. I sat again. Walk or sit. That is what my excersize consisted of. There was no muscle being worked on lifting bowls.. no grind of mortar and pestle... no workout for my arms at all... no color to my cheeks from the brisk air and rays of the Central Fire in the Sky. Suddenly I felt angry. The events of that which landed me in this predictament on the edge of my brain... the tip of my tongue. There had been only five people there. Three Women.. Two Men. Me.. Fonce.. Sef.. Cana and the Prospect Yamka.. or whatever. Sef seemed to play along.. Fonce grinned.. I laughed. They got the jest.. they knew it was in fun. I also concluded that no Man would go running to Ba'atar.. whining and chirping about the incident... for it would prove them weak and unable to handle a Woman. Therefore.. I was left with two culprits.. Cana and Yamka. Could I rule either out? No. But it did hurt me that I could not rule Cana out. Not long after this insight.. I heard my name being called from outside. It did not register at first.. but I did finally move to the door and was released. I was surprised to see Fonce.. building a fire and motioning me to come and sit. Oh hell yes.. please and thank you ! He bid me to talk to Him.. and I found out that He was the Spex that would... evaluate me. Great. So.. we sat and talked. I aired my thoughts.. my opinions.. and my pointing of the finger. My index.. not the middle one. For awhile the talk continued... but it did not last as long as I previously thought it would. My answers seemed to satisfy Fonce.. and His words to me were encouraging as well as devistating. I had to drag myself back to the darkness of that wagon... the darkness of solitude. I knew what awaited me in there.. and I had much more to chew on and digest. I asked but one simple favor before Fonce left... and I was engulfed into the shadow of confinement. I know He will do it for me. To find my boys.. and to tell them that Momma loves them and not to worry... because I will.. Be back. Given what they have had to live with.... I only hope... they believe Him and understand. This isnt forever. I will....... survive. For me... for my children.. and for the one I will stand beside... the one I will wait for every night.. the one I will miss every morning and day when duty calls. The one I will greet with a smile and arms full of love when returned safely from a day of work . The one I will love utterly and with a passion never before seen. I will. By the Skies above.. I will.
" There are four things.. that you cannot recover:
The stone... after the throw.
The word.. after it's said.
The occasion.. after the loss.
The time.. after it's gone. "
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