You've got my attention.
It was late by the time Ash arrived at my fires. Dinner had been stewing for a few Ahn's. Hardly ruined.. if anything it had basted in juices for that long to make it more tender. He enjoyed His meal.. I enjoyed His company. At first.. I think He was shying away from looking at me.. you know my own paranoia and all took a hold. But Ive come to think that Ash is alitle selfconscious of His own eyes. One green.. one white. Obviously a battle wound.. a scar if you may. But it just makes Him all that more unique and interesting. There are many stories I know to be told.. and I seem to hang on every word. Perhaps it is the fact He says all the right things.. most of the time. Or perhaps He just looks at me that certain way that makes me melt. It could be the jestures.. or the talk of memory of times past... or it could just be that He might be as lonely as I am... and we are two of a kind. So.. we talked.. late into the night. He told me that although my beauty had not changed in the years He's been gone.. something had altered in my appearance. I told Him I had changed inside.. and perhaps that showed outwardly. We discussed a few of my issues... and I told Him some fears I had been holding onto. He said I'd been holding onto them for a long time. No shit... I thought. I told Him how I had loved and lost.. loved and been hurt.. loved and been rejected... I told Him how I poured my heart out and got nothing in return. I only know one way to love.. and that is with everything I have. He told me I was no longer alone and I had help now. He wasnt going anywhere. Skies.. if I had a token for everytime I heard that.. I'd have wagons upon wagons filled with shit. I told Him about my battle with kanda.. how it called to me all the time. How I fight not to chew those little leaves.. and leave the world behind. Escape the pain that waits for me when I rest.. and Skies forbid.. if I dare sleep. He was rather harsh and firm when He said that if I ever touched the kanda again.. He would see to it that the beating I received would thwart any attempt at another slip up. And if He did it.. it would hurt to the likings of nothing I'd ever felt before. Yes.. it would hurt Him too, to have to do it.. but when it came to me.. He would. While I do not trust Him... I must force myself too. Even just alittle. He offered.. you see. He committed Himself to help me. I didnt even have to ask. I only hope He follows through and keeps His part of the bargain. He makes me laugh.. He makes me think. And yet.. in the mix.. He lets me know that I am a pridefull.. brazen.. willfull Tuchuk Woman.
The night progressed... I could see Him growing tired. Yet.. I still clung to every word He said.. drinking them in.. basking in the visions they created. If He plays with my mind.. toys with my emotions and somehow is just saying everything He thinks I want to hear... then... shame on Him. I will no sooner strip the flesh from His body and salt Him down to dry in the hot warmth of the Central Fire. I warned Him that playing me... would not get me in His furs. I told Him I was not some slut that hopped into the lust of sex over a kind endearment. Even though many say such about me. They would be wrong. Anything and everything I have to offer would be given to the Man that holds my heart. The one that I stand beside.. the one that I sleep beside.. the one that would have those big hands to rein me in. He said He expected nothing less. I reclined near my fire... my usual sleep habit.. or lack there-of.. kept me where I was. Ash bid me good night.. and to sleep well. I didnt bother to tell Him I hardly did anymore. He bent over and kissed my forehead. There was nothing sexual in the act.. but it felt good. It felt nice to be noticed again... wonderful to be cared about... glorious to be valued and honored enough to be worthy of such a kind gesture.
I was still listening to the sound of bootfalls on the earth as He walked away. I even listened to the shadows as they swallowed Him up. I smiled... I sighed in relief...
until I heard that deep laughter from the darkness.
Please.. not tonight.. I whispered.
I was afraid to close my eyes.
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