Page 34 (5/31/2006) Rhyme and reason

There's a reason for everything.
Jerus came back today. Cant say I was excited.. cause I knew He would eventually find out what happened. Part of me feared His reaction... The whole episode wasnt intended to upset Him or draw attention... maybe that's why I was scaired. As usual He just looked at me with that " Jerus stare ".. it's a stare that only a Free Woman can get from Her Mate. One where they want to wrap their hands around your neck and squeeze till your head pops off.. yet, they want to hug and kiss you because your still alive and in one piece. Jerus said one word... " Well? " And that's when the floodgates opened and I just rambled the story out.. all in one breath I think. He knew that I went with Tarra because I couldnt let Her go alone. But what surprised me most is He was more upset that 1. I used Shanay to carry out the deception. 2. I didnt take the detail.. and the kicker.. 3. I took the wrong kaiila. Here poor Tarra is chained to a wagon with Shi very very upset with Her... and I get a.. you took the wrong kaiila??? Sheshhhh.. I dont get Him. Now remember.. this wasnt done to get His attention.. but I at least expected something other than a slap on the wrist. He had me get some things ready.. and told me I would be going with Him to one of His camps for the night. Easily done since the Twins were gonna babysit the night anyway.
Jerus put me on Toronado and we rode. Not a fast, hard gallop, but a slow gait with lots of time to sit and reflect. He didnt say much.. which... unnerved me greatly. I was afraid to ask Him what He was thinking... but I knew it was about me because His thumb kept brushing over my arm as He held me close. I could feel His chest heave now and then.. not sure if He held back tears... I wasnt going to look.. that would have made me start. I have a bit of a headache.. my eyes couldnt find one thing to focus on.. darting back and forth with each breath He took.. maybe anxious if a hand would find it's way into my braid and He would unleash the anger.. finally. And now this new camp we are going to... was I in trouble and He just didnt tell me because He didnt want me being a brat on the way?? I just didnt know.. that was always the worst.
I saw the campfire coming closer and knew we were almost there. His grip tightened around me... I guess my heart started racing and my breathing grew fast. As He slid from the saddle and helped me down.. He left me alone near the fire, where I now write. I hope He went to get some food. I never should have stopped drinking Paga... cause I dont want anything else. Dehydration makes you tired and cranky.. and Im both. Im starving... but havent had the appetite for days. Im feeling queazy and nautious... I think it's stress. But when Jerus looked at me and asked what was wrong... and I told Him my stomach hurt.. He just smiled at me.. I knew what He was thinking. Not again already?? Couldnt be... could it?
I hear Him talking in the darkness.. to who or what.. Im not sure. I think Im in for an interesting night.
I need you.... ::::was whispered as the book was closed and tucked into the satchel:::