Home.... we came home. Together. Jerus claimed me on the mountain 2 days ago. It was after standing trial for past ways, and facing those that were deemed my demons. I realize now, that I cannot hold myself, nor anyone else responsible for what happened all those years ago. I must forgive and forget to an extent. Memories will always remain. Jerus has His own evils to conquor. I think He rid Himself of most on the Mountain. As for me, Hawks... Steel.. both will forever be a part of me, in spirit and in the blood and breath of their children... but I must look forward to my life with Jerus. I am happy.
Something strange though. I did return with alittle bit of extra baggage. Seems as close as Tarra and I are... one that passed attached Himself to me... try to get to Her. I dont remember much of last night... only waking with Jerus beside me. And a bloody nose from where Tarra decked me one. I guess I deserved it. The mountains can cause the stongest of Warriors to go insane, Shi said. Am I strong? Im not sure, for the hauntings in my mind still take place, but are less frequent. Jerus says they will pass soon.
He says I am His mate. He's announced it for all to hear... but something is missing. Ive never been a Woman in need of traditional "pretties", as Jerus calls them... somehow, now I wanted more. Not so much a full blown ceremony... but something with just the close family and freinds. In the tradition of Clan ways... candles... etc... would be nice. Maybe someday.. who knows. My first joining with Hawks was elaborate. Many people, lots of preparation... a ceremony that left most in tears, including me... it was nice. With Steel, it was quiet, spur of the moment, just Him, Me... and Khilintyme... that also was beautiful. But that was them.... Jerus is different. He would be the one to just up and tell me.. "get dressed... get REALLY dressed, I have a surprise for you." I think I'd like that. Anything He gives me is cherished. Including His love. I havent told Him... waiting for the perfect time I guess.... but, Every last bit of coin I had... even what Bo provided me when Jerus was away... was taken to a smithy and I had a stunning ring made for Him. A token of my love. Call it sappy, but at least when He is alone riding duty or herding... He can look upon this band and know that I am still... wrapped around His finger. The ring is of polished silver, thick.. heavy... diamonds dotting the inlay. Ive also had a chain braclet made... signifying His hold on me. I hope He likes them.
To hold Him forever would be wonderful... to love Him forever is priceless.
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