I was kidding myself to think Seth would be found. I knew He had things to tend too... perhaps part of me just hoped He would be free to come to me. Maybe I just sent Jax and Dakota off... so I could be alone with Alpha. I thought I could cry.. I was sure of it. Those tears never came. It was many Ahn's that I sat in the snow... Alpha had bled out from the neck till His heart stopped. He was peaceful. He was still beautiful in my eyes. I half expected Him to get up and knock me over with a.. Come on Silken.. let's ride !! This made me smile if for a moment. The first sensation I remember was a hand on my shoulder.. and I looked up to see Dakota. He hid His emotions well... Alpha was the first kaiila He rode as a young boy.. but His main concern now was me. He helped me up... my legs stiff and cold from sitting. Thats when I felt the second sensation... my ass was numb. Not the tinglie.. pins and needles numb.. but the stinging.. raw... your blood is returning and hurts like hell numb. Kota held my head to His chest while Jax... Enu and Raz took Alpha away. Kota then escorted me back to my wagon... I looked back at where my kaiila had been during His final moments... the deep red tint of the snow was errie. A sight I would not soon get out of my head.
I climbed the steps of the wagon... and inside where a nice fire had been readied. My son took off my boots and covered me with blankets.
He set my boots beside the flaps and I got a look at them.. covered in blood. The rest of me also.. as I pulled the blankets back to look. I assured Kota I was fine... I lied well.. for once. He left me to warm up. Sitting there for a time... I could smell the blood on my clothes and it turned my stomach sour. I had to get out of the wagon... so I headed to the main fires. It was a good distraction to see Fonce and Tarra. I tried to wash the blood from me.. but it smeared more than went away. Even the sleenie girl brought reps and this helped. Tarra was giving Fonce a gift.. and I wish I had paid more attention.. He seemed to like it.. whatever it was. That's when I noticed Fonce stand. And He abruptly decided to leave again. So... Ive come to a conclusion. He doesnt like me. Ohhh He puts up with me... because He has too.. but I think He still thinks of me as the Silken of old. One that grates on the nerves. Pushes limits.. fights.. swears like a Karian Pirate... so on and so on. He said He needed a bath... I asked if I could join Him... well.. I was in need of one. He called me a cock tease. Normally.. this would not bother me... because... there are certain Men I know I can be a certain way with. I just couldnt shake the feeling... something had changed... and perhaps.. I was the cause of His leaving the fires. Then Arigh up and started to leave. Tarra commented on Her leaving and Arigh said... Maybe someday I will stick around longer when Silken doesnt hate me so much. Uhmm Huh? What? I didnt answer. If the Woman wanted to think that way.. so be it. Tarra and I laughed about it.. She even said... well you dont do anything to make Her think otherwise.. do you. Well.. no... I dont. Why should I? Im not here to babysit paranoid people. If Arigh wants to think I hate Her.... that's Her problem... not mine.
I returned to my wagon and undressed... covering in a light cloak to let the warmth of the fire slowly ebb back into my flesh. I took a bota of paga and sat near the fire bowl.. drinking myself into a forced sleep.
Damnit.. I need new boots again.
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