Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
Inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,
Dont patronize
Dont patronize me
I cant make you love me
If you dont
You cant make your heart feel
something it wont
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And Ill feel the power
but you wont
No, you wont
Cause I cant make you love me
If you dont
Ill close my eyes
then I wont see
The love you dont feel
when your holding me
Morning will come
and Ill do whats right
Just give me til then
to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
I cant make you love me
If you dont
You cant make your heart feel
something it wont
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And Ill feel the power
but you wont
No, you wont
Cause I cant make you love me
If you dont
Something told me... today would be bad. It was not my normal gloom and doom feeling.. it was something deeper. Something worse. Something that perhaps had been waiting all this time as predicted. I spend the morning and the afternoon fishing at the stream. I had racked up a nice stringer full of fish by the time Nette came by. We talked abit.. and joked before the ground started shaking. It was then I saw Seth.. finally.. for the first time in many hands. I had a tongue lashing prepared but never got the chance to lace into Him. No hug.. no smile.. no Tal.. no nothing. All I got were words that tore through my flesh.. sinew and down to the bone. Jort.. had fallen. He was dead. There were many other's injured but first hand.. Jort's mate wanted the pyre done immediately. I had never met the Woman.. I did know She was not of the plains.. not Tuchuk. But..in honor of Jerus' right hand man and one of my former Guards... I saddled up and put a hand down to Nette to come with us. She was pulled to my saddle behind me and we left for the Outpost. Arriving at the Outpost.. I met the Woman that was Jort's Mate. Her name was Hope. Obviously distraught and in shock.. I offered what I could in words.. for I knew nothing said would comfort the broken heart. Not yet.. not anytime soon. She granted me passage to Jort's body and I spent my moments with wishes to ride the winds with speed and love. I told Him to give Jerus a kick in the backside for me. How true it was.. I wish I could see it. I placed with Jort a dagger He bestowed upon me a long time ago. He'd remember it and I hoped He would use it in the Skies to fight those Kur and battles I believe the Men do once they pass over. Seth took care of Jort's beast.. sending it to the Skies with Jort and then He spoke His farewells.. while Nette helped to tend the injured till I could take over. Then.. the Woman Hope spoke Her farewell. I will never admit it.. I held strong for not only me.. and my children present.. but for Seth... I wanted to cry. I had lost another. My own selffish thoughts grabbed me and I had to force them back.. stuffing them deep down for it was not the time or place. And.. it was not my right. I was consummed with guilt.. for thinking how badly I wanted to be with Seth right now.. and how close He was after all this time. I just wanted to be held. That.. never came. It is funny how death makes you think and do strange things... but I just wanted to be in Seth's arms.. safe.. secure and know that everything would be alright.
The chorus of Blue Sky started and the torch was lit and engulfed Jort. I had to close my eyes.. I couldnt be drawn back to Jerus' pyre. No matter how bad the darkness wanted to take me there. The smoke crept into my throat and burned. In a way I was thankful for Hope's rather hasty retreat. Seth left just as quickly.. without a word.. look.. glance.. or anything to me. As difficult as it was.. and as bad as it crushed me beyond words... I took to tending the wounded Men from the battle that took Jort's life. Nette and I then returned to the Harigga. I tried to talk to Her.. I tried to pretend everything was going to be ok.. but I couldnt. That darkness that still hung over us in the air.. that evil that was lurking was playing harder on my emotions and nailing me at my most vunerable time. I too.. had to runaway. I bid my farewells to Nette and stowed myself in the wagon.
Everything was falling apart again. I was losing it all. My mind.. my sanity....
even my love.
Dear sweet Skies.. I beg you.. I implore you...
NOT AGAIN !!!!
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