Shi's homecomming was nice. I made Him some steaks... the kids helped to serve.. Mia and Sonny made Him dessert. I dont much feel like writing right now. Im feeling a tad.. off. Lots of things on my mind.. but nothing I want to bother Shi with. Im still not used to the non emotional Man that is my mate. Not that this is a bad quality.. its just something I will need to adjust to. What do I mean by non emotional?? Well.. Tuchuk Men are cold.. calculated and stupid. Again.. not in a bad way. Ive come to see that those before Shi.. were just fur sleen.. wanting nothing but to smooth talk and soft soak me.. playing on my emotions and my desires. Well.. that's how I see it. I always loved a hand in my hair... someone to undo my braid.. brush it.. someone to talk to me about dreams and desires... someone to make my blood boil with words soft in my ear. Shi... is more of a true Warrior. Always thinking of the Tribe first... always planning ahead for Duty... always working be it on a hide.. be it skinning a catch. I am lucky to see Him for maybe an Ahn every other day. Its hard to pack everything into that small amount of time.. that you would like to. Taking second seat to all this is new to me... but a task I will learn and eventually come to understand. I just hope I make Him happy.. that's all there is for me. Gone are the days when I could stop a Man in His tracks with a simple glance.. gone are the times I could make them shiver with desire from soft words over my lips.. or a certain way I might twist my body in a stance. My once flat stomach grows with Shi's child.... most say how beautiful it is.. I suppose that is true. I always thought so.... but I feel.. fat... frumpy.. and less than desirable. Typical gammet of emotions a pregnant Woman goes through.. right? I guess. Well.. that is the excuse everyone seems to use.. so Im going to walk with it. Thankfully.. Shi doesnt look to deeply into me and see all this. Im so afraid of a repeat of last time that I keep as much of this buried as I can. I'll just keep being.. cleaner of His clothes.. cooker of His food and warmer of His furs. Pretty soon I can add Mother of His children to the list.
Bah.. Im going for a walk....
Skies.... I feel so.... common.
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