Somehow I knew my good mood couldnt last long. Heh. Shi came home last night. It was a wonderful homecomming. I was swept off the platform and set to His saddle before Him. We rode around for a short time before He stopped at the Main wagon and helped me down from His kaiila. Picked up and craddled in His arms... everything I'd been feeling washed away as soon as He held me. He brought me into the wagon and set me down... planting a nice big ole kiss on my lips. Im pretty sure my response told Him how much I missed Him. I kissed Him back hard and just clung to Him for the Ehn's that passed. But there was nothing else... no inuendo's... no teasing.. I still behaved. His dinner was served.. Vulo Pot Pies and bread. Surprised by it all that.. He wanted me to sit with Him.. and I did. He fed me pieces of bread... knowing I had not eaten much while He was gone. I was glad that He didnt hound me about it and instead just did something about it. His demenor was exciting and the change was welcomed. I like Him when He is like this... I like it alot. This was a... take no shit... do what I say.. Man. No more second guessing or hesitation. Yeah... I found myself slipping back to myself and just wanting to tackle Him to the floor and have my way with Him. But again.. I behaved.
He took a bath while I cleaned up from dinner. I sent the children with Aunt for a few days so Shi could rest and relax from His long patrol. I wanted some alone time with Him.. I still do. That... is still a barrier for me... to ask for that.. and to say exactly what I want and need. So while we sat and talked about the kids.. about life.. about His patrol.. I handed Him my journal.. open to the previous page. If I couldnt say it the right way verbally.. maybe He would understand what I write in this book of mine. I watched Him as He read the passage... and then He handed it back to me. I was toying with the hilt of my dagger secured in my boot when He simply stated... "keep it near by" My journal? I thought? It always was... but no.. He meant my dagger.. and that too was always readily available. I knew what that meant... The dagger will be used to renew our blood oath to each other. To once more be reminded of our blood mixed.. and our lives joined... forever.
I'll leave my journal out on the small table near our furs... if He ever gets the urge to know what goes on inside this puzzled head of mine... now.. He will know. He can read what I really mean to say.. but somehow from the brain to the mouth... it gets jumbled.
A new Warrior walked among the fires... I saw Him breifly. The look He gave me had me glance away. I dont trust men.. especially the one's I dont know. They are all after one thing... and those that come to me.. are after that and something else. Im not stupid.. I know the orders left behind about my fate. I chose to ignore it and dismiss it. That doesnt mean the attempt to take me out isnt still there. I'll be looking over my shoulder for awhile... at least till I have someone to watch over me offically. Until then.. I am just slightly more easier prey. I am just another Free Woman among the vast wagons on the plains. The whispers on the winds tell of waiting for the right time to strike. When I can be found alone. Which is why I have not slipped free of any of my detail. The children are also kept close and well watched. It wont be a stranger that comes.. but someone from within. So thus.. the reason I wont be found at the fires alone. Whoever it is.. wherever He is... He should expect to not walk away or breath further should He make His presence known... I wont go down. I wont give in.
Its always a good day to die...
Its an even better day to kill.
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