I slept the whole time riding with Seth. Perhaps I was dreaming.. but I remembering everything He said.. or.. maybe I just made up what I wanted to hear from Him. Either way.. it doesnt matter. When I finally woke fully.. I was in our wagon on the furs.... lightly covered. It was just starting to get dark outside... and I knew Seth had not been gone long.. my cheek and body were still warm from resting against Him. I touched my cheek.. caressed it with my fingertips. I wanted to keep that feeling for the longest time. But... as life is on the plains.. I was caked with dirt and dust and needed some clean up. I had not returned to the stream since the whole incident and frankly.. didnt want to. Developing a fear of something that almost kills you is natural.. but on the plains of Gor.. The Tuchuk plains.. water is life and I cannot be afraid of it. Heading outside to the awaiting gathering of Men... which.. consisted of Flip n Flop and the two newest Men Shi seemed to have pasted on me... I call them Piss and Moan. Why? Because Im sure thats all they will be doing to Shi when they report about me. Jax asked me how I was feeling.. was I hungry.. thirsty.. did I need help... yadda yadda yadda... I didnt answer Him. I still didnt feel like talking to anyone. I didnt want to explain what had happened and why I slipped under the water. It was best to just lay low and perhaps everyone would forget about it. So off to the stream to bathe. I stayed near the shallow part and was hesitant at first but after about an Ahn.. I had washed most of the grit and grime from me. It was almost dark when I finished and the moonlit water was simply stunning. I sat quietly by the water while the Men spoke off in the distance. When I decided to take a walk.. I lifted and made a slow make of steps along the bank. My progress was quickly haulted by a pair of boots. Traveling my gaze higher.. I was then staring at Shi. I offered a small smile.. and He simply just said.. "talk to me" I didnt want to.. and there came the flood of embarassment into my cheeks. Shi was sincere and didnt overly pressure me..eventually wearing down my defenses and I opened up. I told Him what had happened.. how and why.. and even though my cheeks must have glowed by the time I was done.. He did not ridicule me. He was just there for support and comfort. And I was glad to have my confidante back. I felt alittle better.
Shortly after I was done bearing my soul.. Shi seemed to become nervous and antsy. He was hell bent on leaving... I.. on the other hand did not want Him to leave. I wanted to talk.. I wanted to talk a blue streak and I wanted Him to listen. But He would have no part of it. Mounting His kaiila and beginning to ride off. I called to Him.. Please ! Dont leave ! And once again came the call from the darkness.. I still do Silken. The question that had yet to be answered.. I was faced with once more. He left me standing in the darkness within the very faint..soft light of the moons.
I fell to my knees and my chest heaved with cries. I felt sick.. sick to my stomach and my head hurt. Jax came behind me and picked me up.. carrying me back to the wagon. He whispered how I had overdone it.. I needed to rest.. and He needed to follow orders. Follow orders?? What orders.. what had He been told to do??? My answer came in the form of our wagon and our furs to which I was placed. Before I could even settle down.. the chain was locked to my ankle. Jax looked at me.. I think He wanted to say He was sorry... but I turned my back to Him and lay to the furs. I waited till He left and I was alone before I cried once more. The day HAD been too much and soon.. I was asleep again. It was late in the night when I felt Seth return.. He smelled like the plains.. like the bosk.. the land. It was good.. it was Him. His smell. His arms surrounded me.. held me tight and He whispered soft words in my ears. Words that made me sleep.. made me dream... of life..
...... and love.
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