Having all the youngin's with me.. I planned to cook anyhow. I brought salted meats and pots and when Aunt said to make dinner.. I made dinner. Stew. Easy yet rib stickin and filling. While I stirred the contents of the pot.. I found myself battling with a wave of anger. Here... I'd been gone again... I hadnt told Seth personally.. but I did leave a note and verbal instructions with Enu... yet I thought for sure... He would at least.. come out looking for me. No... I didnt leave to get that reaction.. I did have things to get from trading and I needed to meet up with Aunt. But... maybe.. just a little.. I wanted to see Seth come riding up and grab me for all it's worth and... and....
Enough of that. I thought back to the last time I saw Him. It was over 2 full moons cycles now. Jort was dead and I was simply left there with Nette and Jort's Mate. No farewell.. no kiss.. nothing. He simply rode off and that's the last I saw Him. I dont think He realized how badly this hurt me.. and how deeply it cut that He could show up for Jort and His Mate... but He can't for me. Skies... Im not asking for much... I havent asked for anything in so very long. That's neither here nor there now. Oh... I know He is around... in the sense of the word. He sleeps in the wagon.. eats the food I make... bathes. I do His laundry.. mend His clothes and all. I wonder why some of the Women claim He is the Perfect Man then??? I dunno.
We all ate dinner. Aunt and me.. and the kids. They laughed and joked and were surprisingly well mannered. Wily has grown up and even corral's the younger one's now. I watched Aunt as She smiled and soaked up each child.. taking time between bites to chuckle and add something to the conversation. Starr and Talia cleared the plates when we were done.. and then Aunt got a few Ehn with each little redheaded Tuchuk. I remembered my youth as one by one they were drawn into the craddle of Her arms and lap and pulled to the safety of Her embrace. Even the Wily Man did not struggle but reveled in the moment. Mia and Sonny beggedNahir to come back with us.. I smiled.. I thought I knew the answer which was always No. It had always been No. But surprise.. She looked at the twins and whispered.. We shall see little one's. Aunt gave me a wink and then sent the tribe off to sleep. I took to tidying up the small camp.. putting food away in crates to keep the critters away. I stoked the fire with chips and started a small kettle of blackwine. My wrist was secured by Aunt's grasp and I looked to Her. She asked me to come sit and I did... but I did not move beside Her.. yet I lowered to the ground and leaned against Her legs.. as it was always. as it would always be. A sign of respect. "Your children are a blessing Silken. Beautiful and handsome. Well mannered and intelligent. Be thankful " She said. " I am Aunt. I am. " I said though I wondered if someone had replaced them with other kids. "Now my child " Aunt said " I will give you the time it takes for the blackwine to be poured and you will settle back here and talk. Talk Silken.. I want you to ramble on.. I want you to pour everything inside you out.. lay it all on the plate.. and together.. we will figure out each little part. Do you understand child? " She looked to me and I nodded. "Yes Aunt.. I understand" I said. I lifted and began to prepare our mugs of blackwine. Cream and sugar for both. I pondered just what I would say.. and when I returned to Aunt's side and handed Her the mug.. She drew me back to my comfort zone and nestled me against Her. Allowing us each a few moments to blow the surface of the mug's.. and a few sips.. my mug was then lowered to rest on my thigh. Aunt's hand found the crown of my head and then cascaded down my braid where She took hold of the very end and swung it ever so softly. Her voice reached my ear in a soft melody.. a song of long ago.... but the content and meaning of the words.. made me panic....
" It's time Silken... Open your heart "
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