Page 403 ~ He caught my attention

I needed to get away. Between Older kids contimplating the meaning of life.. Middle kids anxious and wanting to start the move.. Younger kids wanting to start their first wagon trip in the drivers seat.. and two newborns wanting nothing but milk.. milk and more milk... I was falling apart. Shi has been doing what Men do before the move... scouting.. planning.. hunting for last minute meats.. but.. I had not seen Him in hands... and it bothered me. For my own selfish reasons.. I was mad. And I stuck myself in that place I had sworn not to go to ever again... I was feeling deserted. Abandoned. But then part of me just said.. fuck it. Does it matter if you are?? No.. actually.. it does not... not anymore. I had seen this behavior in Shi before... and not with me. So... this was my realization and my acceptance speaking. It is who and what I am now. But it still sucks and I dont have to like it.
The smile maintained on my face was getting harder and harder to keep there... so it was time for a ride. And I did... to the dark edge of the plains near the Harigga. There I could smell the bosk and mix of fire.. grass and chill of the air. Energizing. I was there for sometime.. well into the night when the moons had just crested for the final slide downward before sunrise... when... I saw a figure against the horizon. It was male.. I could tell by the girth alone of the shoulders and body. He was back lit by moonlight and He simply stood.. watching me.. staring. Atop His mount... I could see nothing but His silloutte. He made no movement.. no threatening gestures.. and no sound. Mysterious. I found myself nervous.. but not from fear. It was nice to be looked at.. I thought. And I wondered just what He was thinking about me. Some thoughts made me blush. This figure was joined soon after by another.. and then a few more. They all then stared... and my intrique turned to more paniced thoughts. I rode back to my wagon... looking over my shoulder the whole time. Beta was left tied to my wagon and I scurried into the furs... trying to slow my heartbeat. The thoughts I was left with wouldnt allow the racing to cease. Nor was I allowed the embrace of sleep... only the torment of desires that would not be sated.
I was nice to be noticed.