Saturday, October 4, 2008

Page 387 (9/1/2008) I told my heart to shut up

It happened again. Yup. I told my heart to butt out and let me handle things.. but it got in the way again and I left it on my sleeve and damn it... now it hurts. I swore I wouldnt let it out.. no.. sorry.. Silken's heart cannot come out to play today... and tomorrow isnt looking good either. Now I know.. your saying.. Uht oh.. what did Shi do? Well nothing actually. Not really.. at least not on purpose. But I can tell you... this is killing me. I finally opened up for the first time ever and He isnt around to see it. He stops by.. makes nice comments.. makes me feel good and poof.. He is gone. For days... hands.. Ive lost count. Yes.. I know.. He is a warrior.. a commander and has responsibilities.. but fuck you heart.. Im feeling selfish and needy and I can vent here if I want. Maybe the old Silken was better.... the one that hid behind walls and didnt let you out heart. You were there.. doing what you were supposed to.. but you didnt rule me. You were not allowed to care... to feel.. or to make dumb decisions... no. You just thumped there... in my chest and kept quiet.. at least to other's. Ive let you out too long and too much. All you want is these nice things.. nice words.. a touch .. a glance... hugs and kisses. You want romance and woo'ing... you want Him to pull you into His lap and tell you how pretty you are.. how important you are.. and all those niceities. Boskshit. Not gonna happen heart. Im going to stop you from making me feel so needy and wanting. Im going to put a halt to all this goodie goodie shit. I wont have you making me feel deserted and disappointed. You will be cold again... uncaring and unfeeling. Why? Because Shi is a Man that has responsibilities.. and what you are doing is being clingy. He needs to know that I will be ok when He is gone... not some crying.... aching lump of flesh that cant wait to see Him again. He doesnt care about that heart... no... He wants a Woman strong and able to take of Herself. You will not rule me anymore. You want to know who will.. is that it heart??? well.. let me tell you a story.....

One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.
The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge."
The heart said "Without me the blood would not pump to any of you and you would all stop working. I should be in charge."
Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge."
All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't do anything! You're not important! You can't be in charge."
So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, the heart hurt and the brain was all cloudy.
They all agreed that they couldn't take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge.
The moral of the story?
You don't have to be the most important to be in charge,
just be an asshole!
So you see heart.. you cant be in charge... not anymore.
Its back to being an asshole.
So shut up and leave me alone.....

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