Shi once said to me... How can you feel alone with all these kids running around? It was true.. I have my own personal tribe among me.. but you can still get lost in the numbers. My children can give me love.. yes.. but not the kind that Shi can. It's a Mother's love.. to hold their child... it's the love of a Mate.. that hold's the body. Skies.. I cant explain it.. I never could. I just know how I feel. Last night... I was feeling it again.. that empty feeling.. where I couldnt stop watching the fading light over the horizon. I wondered if I would see His silloutte against the moonslight. I couldnt wait to find out. I told Jax I needed to ride.. and if He and the other's were coming.. then wake them and be ready in 10 Ehn. He did not question and shortly after... me... Jax.. Piss and Moan... and Flip n Flop.. were off. Jax stayed close to me while I had two in the front and two in the back. We rode for a long time... me.. lost in my thoughts... until a single word brought me from my ride induced coma. "There!!!" I looked up to see Flip pointing... my gaze travellled to follow His arm and straining in the faded light.. I saw a single rider.. walking slowing atop a beast. For a moment... my heart skipped a beat... I thought it was Shi... but closer examination told me the shadow was not Him. The body was wrong... and everything else about it was wrong. OR's arrived and the rider and beast were brought to us. My Men inquired of the lone rider and were informed that He wished to become part of our group. The usual drills and procedures taken... the Man disarmed and led to a small fire outside the Harigga where He would wait for Kam. The Man said His name was Kader... and I did not like Him right off the start. He referred to me as a prized slave.. needing all these guards. How many times did I need to explain that they werent guards but my detail. Besides.. I didnt want them anyway.. but it was required to have them. This Man Kader had balls.. telling me how beautiful I was.. and I would serve Him well.. etc etc. I grew livid and wanted just to kill Him. But.. He claimed to be Tuchuk and... the law states Tuchuk cannot kill Tuchuk.. so for now ... He would live. Jax finally told Kader I was a Free Woman.. but that didnt stop Him from grabbing my braid. I wanted to cut off His hand. He even tried to lure me to Him.. holding a piece of jerky in His palm and saying I may eat from it. With that.. I wanted to bite off a few fingers. He was a sleen and a bastard.. yes.... yes He was. I didnt like Him at all. He wanted to know my name.. asking many times.. and I avoided it. I knew better than to just give a stranger my name.. or anyone's name. So.. I just blew it off... until.. He asked again.. and I responded.. "Why is my name so important to you?" He seemed shocked and said.. "Your not Tuchuk are you" I told Him yes.. I was. Born and bred. He said I was not.. for I would know the value of a name. This was true.. I responded.. and then He would also know that giving a stranger a name was not something one did easily... and also that I did not refer to my name not being important.. but the fact I asked.. why was it important to Him to KNOW my name. He responded by saying... because He wished to know the name of His future companion. Companion? Tuchuks didnt take companions.. that was a dweller trait. And I added... I would not be His "mate" ever. More and more through the conversation.. something didnt sit right. This Man had more of a dwellers ideal's and ways.. and He was letting them been seen.
Thankfully.. Shi did return from Duty and took over the situation. I made food for the Men while the stranger and Shi spoke. This.. Kader suddenly changed His attitude when Shi was around. Saying He refussed to answer my questions or even look at me. Shi made sure He knew I was off limits and Kader said.. Not to worry for I had no honor and He lost His taste for me. I was curious as to why suddenly I had no honor and I asked. I never did get a straight answer. Funny how this Man claiming to be Tuchuk... turns around and says because it was I had Him searched for more weapons. Why? because He was asked to remove all His weapons.. and He was asked if that was all He had.. He assured my party.. yes.. He had given up all His weapons.. yet.. suddenly at the camp fire an Ahn later.. He pulls a blade from somewhere and tossed it to Jax. Had He not lied... He would not have been in this situation. So what did this have to do with my honor? I still dont know.. and frankly.. I dont care.
Eventually.. He went to rest... and Shi had to return to His second shift. But not before letting me know.. this was His last back to back pull of duty. It would seem His Men had now been trained and were able to take more shifts. This pleased me alot. And what Shi said next... threw me for a loop. He said He couldnt wait to hold His Mate again. Was it true? Did He really think that? Skies... that Man confuses me so much. He said He would see me in the morning... but I wondered if that would come to pass. He hadnt been very good with promises lately... nothing I can hold against Him too much for I know things come up. So.. I reserve the right to... wait and see.
Yeah... wait and see....
By the way.. the central fire is up....
and Im still here.. alone.
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