The fires were busy for once... it wasnt just Shi and I. Cana and Trilok joined us. If four is a crowd.. well.. how pathetic is that? Very. It was nice to see them... nice to talk.. nice to hear of other's lives beside our own. The change of scenery was nice too. I slept that night relaxed and calm... little did I know it was just a tease.
I woke this morning to the hollar of Wily. All in one breath He told of how He went to find Tug... and found Cana with a new baby boy. He rambled on for Ehn's. I immediately went to Her wagon and was met by Rook... looking frazzled and tired. I asked if I could see them... check on them... perhaps help with Tug and Wander... and was told they were with Tarra.. She assisted with the birth and then took the boys to Her wagon. All I could say was.. "Oh.. I see" I turned.. a bit put out and upset... ok alot upset. Rook asked if He could deliver a message and I kinda spoke in a daze of crushed emotions... "Just tell Her I said.. Congradulations" And I walked off. But I didnt stop at my wagon's.. I kept walking.. out into the night and the plains. I tried to rationalize just what I was feeling and why. Why was I so hurt and pissed off? It boiled down to... I just wasnt informed. Did I wander to the Spex fires and offer to help read the Omen's? Did I go to the kaiila pens and treat injured or ailing beasts... did I work in the forge making lances.. shields and quiva's? Make saddles? Songs for the seasons? Bah... boskshit. Tarra is perfectly capable of delivering a baby... and capable of handling any situation that arose prior and post labor.. to this I have no doubt. That didnt concern me. But.. damnit.. how is it that if I stick my nose somewhere it "doesnt belong" as Ive been told... why do I get yelled at for it? Healing is my duty around here.. and it seems.. I am no longer needed in that capacity. I was here.. I was available.. and I was left in the dark. It also did not bother me that Cana wanted Tarra there to deliver... but I would have been standing by to assit if needed.... instead... I was drinking my tea and mending clothes. I guess I just havent gotten used to the way things really are around here. I'll never get used to it... I'll never understand it.
After Shi left this morning for duty.. I saddled up and headed to the back wagons. Spending Ahn's upon Ahn's seeing patients.. treating injuries.. ailments.. complaints... booboo's and broken hearts. I just threw myself into work... trying to forget everything. Yet.. it was all just seething under the surface.
I always expected to get stabbed in the back... but I never thought I'd be stabbed in the heart.
I looked up to the Sky.. and I shook my head.. muttering one single word....
Bitch.
The rest of the day.. I dared Her to come and get me.
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