Ive not much to write about today. Ok... thats a lie. I have pleanty... but just dont know how to put what Im feeling into words of this book. Last night.. I had been waiting as Aunt said to. And I knew someone was outside the wagon... ready to punish me for my digression in judgement. Being honest does have it's perks. I mean... I didnt feel guilty about sidestepping the issue... I just.. owned up to it. Punishment was swift.. hard and uncomfortable. It was said that it would last so I could not ride for half the season after. I didnt believe it last night.. but after the shock and numbness wore off... today... I believe it... ohhhh boy do I believe it.
I stood... I could not sit... and talked to Shi for most of the night. I felt surprisingly good. His words to me were such that I started to feel inside again. I was happy in His company... and there were no ghosts of the past to come between us. His seemed to be gone... mine have been dispatched from thoughts forever. No clouded judgements... no guilty feelings... just two people walking a path that before had been riddled with obsticles and bumps. Everything was clear and by the Skies... I felt good.
I know that Aunt has my back... and I know She will not let me fall back to old habits. She is a giant tattletale and I know She informs Shi of my every move. The swift carried out punishment yesterday is proof to a new life and new me. I could have been mad and thrown a fit over it.. but I was thankful that someone cared enough to step in and say... no no. Maybe had things been handled differently before.. I would not be in the position I am now. Working to gain back my worth and my value. Hard lesson. One I am ready to take on and face full force. With Aunt and Shi tailing my moves and attitudes... things look brighter. Neither one will let me stray. Ohhhh I still love walking that fine line.. but I have someone to pull me back before I dance too far over the edge. What a rush to be back in that type of care. I love it... and I love them.
It will be better this time... or I will die trying.
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