"This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud
It's my life It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks
It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, hell, don't back down
It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while "I'm alive "
Just when I think I got me a good grasp on what's going on.... the great Sky throws me another curve ball. It had nothing to do with Alpha... I'll deal with that later. It was mostly going to the fires and being hounded. Why.. just because I am quiet does it mean something is wrong? Was I not to learn from all of this and try to revamp myself? I thought that was the lesson. I guess I was wrong. Kam and Chay have returned from hunting. It was good to see them... yet.. Chay immediately started in on me again. Sometimes... Her comments make you want to smack Her like a spoiled child. I understand where they come from and why.. She knows no better. But its time for other's to take lesson and learn to hold your tongue. Somethings are just better to not blurt out. I took offense to what She was spouting off about. But I held my tongue... not that it was worth it. I just wasnt in the mood for mindgames. I personally cannot wait to be out from under Kam and with Seth. All this tension started when this Guardianship happened.. something I never saw coming. I had asked to be removed from Saresh's ward status for just this reason. Seems I fucked up again. I havent done anything to dishonor Kam... nor incur His wrath. I promised I wouldnt. I upheld that. Chay and I use to get along... now I only feel Her eyes boring into me and Her tongue lashing at me like an Ost.
I left and walked out onto the plains. Sitting quietly and reflecting over the words Tarra had spoken to me. It was true I have to learn things.. and I have been trying.. but I see myself only taking more steps back than forward. People that complained I acted immaturely now complain Im no fun anymore.. or Im too quiet... or something must be wrong. I feel isolated. I need to be grounded more.. intouch with my feelings. I needed Seth. When Im around Him... things are clear. He doesnt let errant thoughts confuse me. He makes sense of the senseless.
Back to the main fires. Fonce and His gang were there. I was odd man out. I dont fit or belong to His groupies. Im pretty sure Im not the only one that feels that way. I know I want to belong... to someone. I want someone to turn to at night.. to hold and confide in. Someone to share a smile with... someone to talk to about my day.. good or bad. They all have their Mates.. so its easy to just tell me to relax and let things happen. It easy for them to say they are protecting me. Its easy for them to say... I can do things when they think I am ready.
Well... I am tired of being the redheaded stepchild at the family reunion.
I know what I want. I know who I want. And its my responsibilty to take the brunt of things if I make a mistake. Its my life...
Its now or never.
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