Its been a long time now that Shi has been gone. He left almost a month ago.. duty called. Extended patrol.. something along the lines of that. I havent had the stomach to pick up this book and write.. I knew I would flip back the pages.. remembering how the other's left on such a tour of duty and never returned. I try not to think of it... but how can I not? My weakest moments come.. and Im sitting on the steps feeling sorry for myself. I tried to not let it get to me.. throwing myself into working.. healing... tending the children. Far as I can tell.. I am almost into my 3rd moon of pregnancy. Hardly a change in my body except for the slight swell and rounding of my abdomin. The stomach sickness is something I didnt miss. I had to beg Jax several times not to insist I eat.. but Shi must have left word to make sure I did. I tried.. I really did. So Ive been replacing food with alot of tea's and herbs to suppliment what wont stay down. The cravings are beginning.. raw meat. So I know the sickness will be gone soon.
Today I had some encouraging news brought to me. Shi was well.. and on His way home. It made me smile when one of His Men came ahead to deliver the message. I made sure His Man was fed and then I went to tell the kids. They were of course happy to know Papa Shi would be back. I sent them all with Aunt for the next few days. Its not that I try to keep them away.. but I know that Shi isnt used to such a large group around Him... and I want to take it all slow. Dont need a repeat of last time.. no Sir. I finally sat down after making some steaks and wondered if He missed me... did He think of me? what did He think of? What.. if anything.. kept Him company? Something I said? something I did? an expression of mine? Curious thoughts surrounded the rest of the day for me... excited one's too.
So for now... I need to rest. Another thing I dont miss... is the exhaustion. But I'll keep trudging forward. I know I wont sleep... not till He is home... and not till He is holding me again.
Such a good feeling.
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