I have a new addiction.. blackwine. I think it was the ravengirl that introduced me to chewing on these beans. Sucking on them. Its addicting... but good. It helps pass the time between work.. the kids and those ever lasting moments of silence. Havent seen Seth since He claimed me.. . His small fleeting moments of a quick peek here and there have also even ceased. The Men are busy.. I know. This is why Im not complaining. It is how it is.. it is how it will be. Besides... He got what He wanted. Me. I got what I deserved. Pretty sure that curse followed me now. Positive that what Fonce told me way back when.. is in all actuality.. the truth. What does it matter... nobody cares. Everyone has their own problems and troubles to deal with. I just hate being in this position.. backed into a corner.. not sure which way to turn.
Seth can spend His time with His Men... with His other interests. That is what a Man does. I... am going to visit my Papa Khil soon. Once the kids are fully settled... Im taking up a trade route and heading out for awhile. I cant sit around and let this drag me down again.. questioning decisions.. guessing on what I know but refuse to admit. There is not one person that knows just what I know.. and what I am dealing with... nor will they. Its none of their business. I am not a second rate Tuchuk.. and I am not a doormat. I will not be treated like this.. I will not tolorate it.
I will not be made a fool of again....
I'd rather die.
Where's those damn beans....
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