They say cleaning is good for the soul and keeps the mind busy. Boskshit. It just makes me more neurotic from seeing all the shit Ive collected and stored. For what? A rainy day? Trading? Well... I cant even go trading without asking.. then get permission.. then time restraints.. then a list of who Im meeting with.. and then give my undie size and color... BAH. so.. let the clutter.. errrr clutter up. Dont care. Ive got enough wagons to store a thousand envars of shit.
I rooted through trunks and crates.. boxes and barrels. And within one... I found Him. Good Ole Mr Tuchuk. He originally started out as a joke.. for us Women unable to be... satisfied by a Man. Or those that didnt have a Man.. or those that just didnt or couldnt get enough sex. Gratuitus holding up of my hand here. Now... Ive joked many times about how good Mr. Tuchuk is. Fact is.. I never.. uhhh used Him in the sense of what He was designed for. Wily used Him for a sword once... that caused a stir. Heeheehee. But... in any case.. the Wooden Whanker was retired into one of these crates some time ago. I carefully dusted Him off and offered a few strokes of praise and good will. Though curious as to how and why Mr Tuchuk was sporting a ring as His base now. I dont remember placing that there. For.. convenient hanging??? Go figure.
Things moved along nicely and I needed a break. Grabbing a bota of paga.. I headed out for air. I was not alone. I hadnt heard the girl come by but sitting on the platform was tanya. she wasnt kneeling but was sitting on her rump with her legs swinging over the side. she was leaning against the platform support humming.. staring off in the distance. I quickly gathered I wasnt the only one with the blues around here. As soon as she knew I was there her position resumed into a proper kneel. I had hardly the sense to even start in with her and in a shocker of a moment.. told her to relax. she looked at me like I had worms coming out of my ears and I had to repeat the command before she slid back off her heels and sat. I sat beside her.. and handed her the bota of paga. Drink up.. I said. This.. is a girl that probably knows brewing of paga better than her teachers after all the time she spends doing it. she didnt expect it though and took a hearty gulp before her face was on fire. she coughed.. sputtered.. gasped and then tried to talk. I chuckled. Rather amusing to watch.. it was. So.. I asked her what was bothering her.. and several more gulps later... the flood damn broke and she prattled on and on about.. needs and desires. It just wasnt right.. sitting there listening to her swoon and ramble on about Seth and the things she wanted to do to Him.. and have done to her. Had it not been for the paga... she wouldnt have dared speak of such with me for fear of my dagger slicing her tongue out. But.. I could not punish the girl.. nor send her away. I sympathized with her and truth be known.. well only to me... I wanted Him.. just as bad. I excused myself.. tanya didnt even hear me.. she kept rattling on as I dug back through the crates and located Mr. Tuchuk. I brought Him back out and sat once more beside tanya. Showing her my creation.. her eyes lit up and she slurred out one long drawn word... Daaaayyyyuuuummmmmmm. You have to known tanya.. lil Miss prim and proper to see that this alone was priceless. she asked if that is how I got my jollies. Jollies? This word perplexed me but the girl was in no state to explain it. I'd ask Seth sometime. Maybe Shi... He knows the barbarian language better than me. Mr. Tuchuk was bestowed to tanya.. for safe keeping. And I told her.. NO.. I did NOT want Him back. she did laugh till she fell off the platform when I told her to be careful of splinters. It was all I could do to pick her up and prop her back on the wagon. We sat well into the darkening night. Ripping people to shreds.. lude comments... and a few tears. The two of us sat and drank ourselves silly. The first for me in a very long time.. the first for tanya since.. ever. It was company we both needed. Sating ourselves in the ever growing long absence of Seth with laughter and hiding in the wallowing of paga. The girl's head became heavier than the rest of her and it wound up in my lap... she curled against me. I still did not shoo her away.. but like one of my children.. I stroked her hair.. envious of how she was allowed to have it loose and free. My induced stupor made my eyes heavy and my neck also could not support my head. It fell back against the post and Im sure we both drempt of better times and happier moments. My sleep did not last fully.. for each move or whimper the girl made.. I found myself squeezing her gently.. just to know that someone was here. That she wasnt alone. To not fear.. be safe in sleep and know I would not let anything harm her. I was envious all over again.
She called for Him in her sleep. A pitious plea.. reaching out for Him. Shhhhhhhhh tanya... rest... I whispered. And I couldnt help the tears that fell. I prayed.. as a Woman does with wishes and words to the winds... and once again.. closed my eyes.
BabyI get so scared inside,
and I don't really understand
Is it love that's on my mind,
or is it fantasy
Heaven Is in the palm of my hand,
and it's waiting here for you
What am I supposed to do with a childhood tragedy
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain unchanged
If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain the same...
Sometimes
It's hard to hold on
So hard to hold on to my dreams
It isn't always what is seems
When you're face to face with me
You're like a dagger
And stick me in the heart
And taste the blood from my blade
And when we sleep,
would you shelter me
In your warm and darkened grave
Will you ever take me
No, I just can't take the pain
But would you ever trust me
No, I'll never feel the same...
Ohh...I know I've been so hard to you
I know I've told you lies
If I could have just one more wish
I'd wipe the cobwebs from my eyes
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
You gotta close you eyes for me
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