The news of Lochlan's passing came on the winds. My attention split between Cana and Tarra. The loss of Mate and Son heavy upon them no matter how strong we are... it still just hurts. I wanted to go to each... but I knew there were no words to be spoken that could ease anything they felt. They both knew I had been in their boots... and if they so desired they would seek me out to sit and chat.. be it about the weather or whatever. I sent tanya to each of their wagons with baskets of nibbling foods and some tea's.... even some chocolates.. since it always seemed to cure alot. Comfort foods... were always good. I did not make a personal appearance. My own faults and errors of the past have seemingly drawn a wedge between us. I cannot blame them for being angry... or upset.. or even disgusted with me. But I also wish things were back to old times. I miss them... both of them. Tarra more so. She was my confidante and best friend. Whatever reasons She has.. or was it simply the trying times She must have felt coming... I miss Her chats and Her reasoning. I miss Her guidence. I just miss Her.
I went in search of Seth. Finding Him sitting near the outer fire of the Forge with Wily. The first thing I noticed was the Bug's hands curled into tiny fists. When I approached.. I saw Him wipe His eyes and stand to walk away. I did not question or pry... He was a young little Man with pride and having His Momma dote and pick at Him... was no longer. As much as I wanted to grab Him and hug Him.. I knew He would come to me in His own time and on His grounds. I would not embarass Him. The feeling I got was that Wily was probably thrown back into the time when Jerus died. Wily had a rough time with it... and now His Uncle Loch was gone. I sat with Seth.. little words spoken. I felt helpless... I wanted to assit.. it was my nature. Again.. I knew there was nothing I could do but let them know I was here for them. The baskets should take care of that. I thought back to when Tayco died and how Wily took post along side Rook. Sure enough... Wily now regrouped and with His head high.. emerged from the Forge carrying a small satchel. He was heading over to Cana's.. to stand guard.. He said. I stood up and made Him wait a moment.. running back to our wagons and returning with a few bota's of juice and a large curl of fresh bread. I tucked these into His satchel and smiled to Him... telling Him they were for Him and Rook. Wily nodded and trotted off to Cana's wagons. Seth rose and stood beside me as we watched the young Warrior disappear. Seth's arm slipped behind me at my lower back and took a light grasp at the farthest hip. He escourted me back to my wagon's where we sat near the fire. His arm never removed from behind me... I felt Him lift the end of my braid and begin to flick it through His fingers. It made me shiver and I glanced at Him... seeing Him lost in thought. It was almost a natural movement for Him and quite calming for myself to have it done. I tilted my head to let my cheek rest on His shoulder.. closing my eyes.. as He continued to send such soft calming emotion through me. At that very moment.. I was afraid. Afraid of getting Mated again.. afraid of having to go through losing another Mate.. afraid of those emotions. I must have tensed.. because Seth gave a small tug to the braid and I was drawn back from the abyss I was sinking into again. I gave a sigh.. a deep exhail of breath and nodded. I missed my Sister.
I had lost so much....
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