It is all so confusing... emotions... what I am feeling. I cant make sense of anything anymore. Things that should just roll from my shoulders strike a deep chord within me.. and things that should bother me.. dont. Where and when.. did I go backwards? How did I get turned around like this? I cant think... I cant sleep. Faces I should know.. are strange. Voices I have recognition of... are coming from people I think I know.. but they all look so dark... they twist their shape and become frightning. I try to act calm... I try to act normal... but if they only knew what I saw. Is it a drug??? Some herb that I mistakenly used or tested?? Sleeping powders... I remember trying to find something new that would work... but what were the ingreadients??? I mixed so many....I dont remember... I dont even know what Im supposed to be doing right now.
My hands are not even mine anymore... I try to make them do something and they wont. Just trying to write this brings sharp stinging stabs of pain to my head. What happened !!! Why... why....... Skies... please.... not again....
::with the last words set... She threw the book across the wagon and ran from the wagon. She slammed into Jax which sent them both staggering.. Jax commented for Her to watch where She was going.. but She looked at Him like She didnt know Him. A turn then and She ran to the pen's... the keeper was instructed to ready a kaiila. She couldnt remember Alpha's name... so He gave Her one of Jerus' stock beasts named Bolt. The beast was readied and She mounted quickly from the fence. The animal reared back not used to Her and off they went.. bucking and snorting as He tried to throw Her sensing the inner turmoil of the rider. For Ahn's... they rode the plains... Bolt moved wildly and irratic.. somehow Silken held on.. Her nails having dug into the saddle. She kept the beast running... digging and kicking her heels mericlessly into His sides... She felt She couldnt stop... for if She did... She would to. Something would take Her if She stopped... it would catch Her... it would hurt Her... it was going to kill Her.... no... She had to run.
The heat of the summer sun baked on the two for several more Ahn's... even with Her dark complextion.. She was burned from the constant exposure. The unrelenting ride had begun to take it's toll on both. Without water or rest... they both tired dangerously.. and finally the kaiila could run no more. It's legs gave out and Bolt hit the ground.. throwing Silken a good distance from Him. Broken and battered.. She was flung in a crumpled heap into a grouping of rocks. Moments of consciousness afforded Her images that flashed before Her eyes. Horrible... unknown things... that made Her cry and whimper. That was last She remembered before darkness took Her.
As the hint of nightfall began to creep onto the plains... She woke. Her lips cracked and bleeding were licked... a slight visual was made to Bolt. He had rested for a time while She was out and She watched as the beast finally rose... it began limping off back in the direction they came... back to the Harigga. She tried to call out.. tried to get up.... but She was too far weak to do so. Dried blood caked dust and dirt to Her... a few wounds still seeped on Her arm ...leg and head. As the final light of day disappeared.. embracing Her into it's darkened hold.. She lost consciousness again.... lost... and alone...::::::::
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