The children and I have spent every waking moment with Jerus. Each child setting a special gift with their Papa. My gift... is something I will keep within my heart and will be known only to Jerus and I. Jerus didnt want to be in the wagon long... He wanted His final ride to come quickly and be met within the Skies by His friends and family as soon as possible. I abided by His wish to send Him off quickly.. though I would have kept Him with me for longer if I could. I am not selfish. I would do anything for Him... even if it ment dropping what ever I was doing when He rode into camp. He meant that much to me. My life was all about Him... not me. And now I am... empty and lost.
When the children left with Falon and Cana... I sat beside Jerus... just looking at Him. It was odd to see Him so.. peacefull and calm. I honestly expected Him to sit up and flash that smile He always gave me. I talked to Him... things I needed to say.. things He needed to know.... things that only lovers can share. All the while I twirled His hair around my fingers...and traced those scars He wore so proudly. Wily came back in... this little guy breaks any strenght I have been trying to build. He sat in my lap and was silent for the longest time as we looked at Jerus. Finally that tear stained little face turned to me and whispered... "Why Mama? Din't papa love us anymore?" I had little restraint in holding back the tears.. nor did He as we held each other and cried... I spoke to Him softly.. " Wily.. Your Papa was a Tuchuk in every meaning of the word. He didnt back down from anything. He loved you son... more than life itself and with that.. gave His to protect you." " I want Him back Momma !!! Who's gonna teach me everything I need ta know !!! " Wily cried... and I whispered... "You will learn much from Uncle Kam... Shi.. Fonce and Lochlan, young Warrior... they will see to it " I could see Wily thinking... as He wiped the tears from His cheeks... "Who's gonna give me my first scar Momma? Papa will never see it... " I smiled to Him and nodded.. "Yes.. He will Wily... He is always here.. you just need to look and listen" Wily curled up and was soon asleep... hiccuping small breaths between the sobs that had overtook Him. I rocked Him slowly.. as my right hand reached to lay on Jerus' arm. I couldnt stop the tears that fell.. hard and fast. I couldnt catch my breath as all I could think of was the children and how they now were without their Father. How Shanay and Dakota lost a second Father... How Starr and Talia would never be bounced on His knee... Wily.. would never ride patrol with Him... and Mia and Sonny.. would never know Him. It wasnt fair... and it hurt.
20 arrows brought down my Mate. It only takes one to kill.... it took that many more to take Jerus from these plains. His death is honorable... and His story will continue through the children.
As for me... my best leather's are ready.... and my black cloak. I have asked Tarra to stay by me... to ease and comfort the children with Her words.. or a touch. I have also sent word to Kam and Shi asking them to be my escort. Shanay will have Talia and Starr... Dakota will have Wily.. I will have Mia and Sonny. Blood and Mars will bring Toronado. Then the 10 of us will stand together and bid Jerus goodbye on His final ride. I know Mars will be there to welcome Him. I cannot keep Him waiting.
I ask for strenght... I ask for the will to remain tall and proud. I have to for the children.... the ironic part is... the only person who could ever bring me peace and comfort....
..... is gone.
And with Him.... the last piece of me.... is gone too.
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