Time alone is usually spent in reflection of one's life. I have done so for sometime now. I walked among the missing for a hand. Some of my questions were answered.. some proved too great to get one. I dont think I was missed.. not that I expected to be given my behavior of late. I dont like to be confused.. it tears at me and splits me into two.
I know Shi is livid with me.. how can I face Him. I told Him I think about Jerus and I am sure He takes that as "all the time" I do think of Him... how can I not with His children running about.. laughing.. enjoying life and simply living. I think about Shi alot now... How I miss my best friend that I could talk to and seek comfort from with a hug or pat on the back. He wiped my tears away once... I never forgot how that felt.
Shi will be taking the Scout for the move. This will pretty much be the first time in forever that I will be alone on the move. Dakota and Shanay have their own teams and wagons to worry about so I cannot place the other five children with them. Starr and Talia will drive one wagon. Wily for His first time will drive His own. Mia and Sonny will ride with me. I will miss riding saddle on Alpha aside the wagons.. He is getting older and His trips past Turia growing short. I can feel the anticipation in this beast when the air turns crisp at night. Well all do, I think.. Man and Beast.. ready for the trip.
I wonder how the fires are? If things have calmed down and tempers not so short. I ventured there to listen a few times.. but was like a ghost. I expected this. I accept it. I will deal with it.
For now I must heed what the winds spoke.... Relax and be patient.
Two qualities... I have never been good at.
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