I made another terrible mistake of going to the main fires this morning. I was shocked to see Fonce there alone and without His normal flock of admirer's. I made comment to this which.. scattered a few to the winds right quick. Talk about testy. I guess with the move everyone is feeling a bit of the jitters. I know my stomach has been giving me pains for days now. I did try to eat.. but was treated to a upchuck festival only half an Ahn later. I heard also that Shi took off again without a word or visit to me. No biggie... I dont care. He can do what He wants.. and I will do what I want.
While I was self medicating in the Nightmare I had a knock on the door and was surprised to see Tarra's Goon, Ulric outside. I was informed that He was given the task of tying down the contents and readying my wagon. Now... I dont even trust my Goon, Jax with this chore due to the fragile contents of this wagon... but somehow given Tarra's things She has.. I knew Ulric would use the utmost care. He was given access to the wagon and I sat and watched. It took Him two Ahn to secure everything and when He was done.. He left a simple warning... "Dont make us tie you down too" I could only smile... the pains had returned with the fever... and giving Him a nod... I extended my thanks to Him and to relay the same to my Sister for lending His muscle.
I packed a satchel with supplies and am heading out onto the plains this night where I will spend the rest of my time here in the South at the spot of Jerus' pyre. I dont care what anyone says.... I dont care what anyone thinks. It is my right to do so. Im left alone here to deal with things on my own. Perhaps if Shi were more supportive in the matter of death... I wouldnt feel the need to cling to something that once made me happy. But to be told... He is dead.. deal with it... that is not an acceptable response to me. It makes me more defiant and wanting it more. If He is going to continue to shut down and leave me out in the cold... then I fear there is nothing left to salvage. I will miss His jokes and laughter. I miss it already. I miss the fun we had before we were Mate's. It just feels like I am a conquest taken and there is no use for me anymore. I am just a trophy.
I have given Tarra my word I would not make any decisions until the move North was completed. I will keep this promise. I will also stay at the spot of the Pyre for some time too. I'll catch up. A group as large as our's isnt hard to find or trail. Besides.. Alpha needs a good run.
Skies... where does the time go.....
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