Join the fires Silks... Come be with us.. Come on Silks, get back into life... Do what you do and heal.. Get your mind off things. Boskshit! Now just who the fluck do I listen too? I know everyone is looking out for my well being.... but am I to be a puppet now? I just dun get it. I did venture to the fires... It was good to see them filled with dry.. somewhat clean Tuchuk's. I watched for a few moments before entering the light of the flames. I saw Saresh still babying His arm and walked over to Him... asking if I could take a look at how it was healing. Falon and Shi had both agreed I could return to light duty... and I have heeded their word. A fact even for myself.. I am proud of. I dont know where or why it came out like it did... but I was hurt by the way Tarra spoke to me. She told me to worry more about myself and not other's.. in so many words. When She walked away shaking Her head.. I could only assume She was mad at me.. or thinking I was just being stupid and not thinking. Now... I know She looks out for me.. I know She loves me.. as I do Her... but... damnit... I just dont know. I just didnt see how looking at a wound and seeing how it was healing.. could be considered not light duty. I hadnt the strenght to go after Her when She up and left. I know She has much on Her mind with the inner turmoil that dwells still. Yes... I still have the tremors.. but they are more eased. When I get nervous or starting thinking about them... they get worse. In any event... I checked Saresh... the infection is cleared... He is still tender which is to be expected with such a deep wound. I applied more salve and a clean bandage. Shi arrived.. about that time and stood watching me. And even Fonce looked at me to question if I was healing... to which I told Him yes. He asked if Falon and Shi knew... and I also said yes.. I had been allowed to return to light duty. He said He was pleased... and well.. that felt good. It felt really damn good. I was trying... and it had been noticed. Shi was happy too... speaking words of encouragement as well. I even smiled alittle. Then came the wave again. Just like the wind storm... it came quick and from no where. Saresh responded to me by calling me a Wench. Now.. Ive been called a Wench many times.. been called worse too. But.. for some reason Shi took offense to this. Why? Skies only knows... for after a small discussion between Him, Saresh and Fonce.. He left and didnt return. I didnt take offense to being called such... especially from Saresh. I knew Him.. He knew me. I knew He meant nothing more than to simply call me such as many Men do to the Tuchuk Women. We are Wenches... proud and bold.
This night was a bundle of confusion for me. Even Noya spoke to me out of the blue.. which.. She hasnt since Jerus died. I know She still blames me for His death. And that's her right. We all seek someone to blame for most of our problems till we realize that sometimes... no one is to blame. Shit.. just happens.
But for some of us.. it happens way too often.
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