We returned to the Harigga as night fell. Besides the news that stirred in my brain of Mayala leaving... or running away as it was... Something had me worried about Tarra. I did my unpleasantries at the fires... Saresh was there... Fonce listened.. so did Cana and Jaella. I didnt feel any better after telling them... I felt worse for Saresh. Fonce thanked me for going. I told Him I didnt do anything.... He said.. I cared enough to go. yeah.. I cared. Deep down I was pissed... one for going after a Woman that had the balls to leave. How many times did I want to leave.. but couldnt. Two.. that She endangered us all by going after Her. Coulda left a note. Three... She took that blasted kaiila that might have eaten Her. Damn.. damn damn. I was so terribly depressed. I needed Tarra. Something had been pulling me towards Her back at the Harigga this whole time. So leaving the fires.. I went to Her wagon and was met by Ulric.. who was standing guard. As I put a foot on the first step.. He shoved a hand out.. palm flat and said.. She isnt seeing anyone now. I questioned Him.. over and over and got no answers. I was getting madder and madder... and started to whine... but I would not press it further. I told Him to tell Her I was here.. I needed to see Her... and I missed Her.
If She wasnt feeling well... I wanted to know why. If She was ok and just hulled up in the wagon... damn it.. I needed to talk to Her. I was falling apart over a few things. I was thinking irrational and damaging thoughts. I needed Her help.... but I also would not add to any problem She was having. I sulked away.. yes.. I sulked. Cute too. I walked to Kam's wagon... but remembered as I got there.. He was out on a hunt. Kicking the bottom step.. I looked around. Seth was working.... and anyone else I could trust was just not available. Fucking great. Not knowing what to do or where to turn... I went to the pens and got me a fresh kaiila. One of Jerus' older stock. Saddling Him up.. I took off for asolo ride. I was lost somewhere in this swirling mass of thoughts. I rode fast and hard.. till my face was numb with cold. My fingers would not resume their mobility... my joints stiff. I reined the kaiila back and literally threw myself from the saddle to the ground... damn that hurt. But I would lay here.. hopefully freeze to death... maybe get eaten by a sleen... trampled by this blasted kaiila... eaten by this kaiila... ehhh.. I dont think my hair would be a nice contrast woven in kaiila shit... but would let them know where I had gone.... right? At least the air was nice....
Clear air.. clear thoughts....
Made sense to me.
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