Its been two turnings now after Jerus' surgery. I believe it to be a success. He is a strong Man and should be back to normal any time now. I myself have had a much hard time coping with my own emotions and understandings. Tarra mixed up a potion that I had Jerus drink the morning of the surgery... He slowly became lethargic.. easing gently into a relaxed state before unconsciousness fully took over. I stayed close with Him.. holding Him.. touching His fingers.. how strong even just the simplest of His digits are. I watched His eyes as the awareness of life faded... and it is this image that to this Ahn.. still disturbs me. I have killed many times and never has the draining of this mirror of the soul through any's eyes disturbed me... yet to watch it fade from Jerus... has left a haunting chill to me I shall not soon forget. As I lay Jerus to the furs and postioned Him as needed... I felt nervous and almost in a stupor. I have studied healing most of my life.. yet as I looked upon my Mate.. it all seemed to just escape me. Only when the touch of His slave, tanya to my arm woke me from my daze.. did I remember what I needed to do. With tanya assisting the problem was fixed in about 2 Ahn.. everything checked.. motor function.. vessles.. mobility and so forth. It was now a waiting game. tanya cleaned up all my instruments and brought warmed furs to cover Jerus with and I sent He out to make some broth and tea's. Sitting with Jerus' head in my lap as I looked down on Him.. I said many things to Him that Im not sure He heard... but many things that I needed to say... things I should say everyday and not take for granted He knows. I watched the twitch of His lips to my words.. whether He remembers what I said.. or actually understood.. that we shall see later. I can still feel His hair around my fingers as I gently stroked His head... still see the slow rise and fall of His chest with His breathing... still hear the soft sighs as the pain that had racked His body was now gone. He was in a state of peace that had not been with Him for many hands now. Slowly as He awoke to open His eyes and look up at me.. I smiled down to Him... letting my fingers brush over those scar's on Hischeeks. How proud I was at that very moment to be Silkenhawk... Mate of Jerus Neill. I should hope in the days of healing to come.. that Jerus and I can once again talk and He can ease the confusion that swirls my thoughts. I know I have been clouded lately... embraced in taking on some of His pain that He so bravely bore and tried to hide from me. His pain is mine.. mine is His.. I am His... He is mine.. our bond is now more profound than ever. I am so tired... I need to rest. I am almost 3 months gone now with our next child... the strain of everything and this upon my body is great. But I see that spark in Jerus' eyes again... the look He gives me of such pride and joy when I carry His babies. He told me this baby wasnt one He planned.. but is coming for a reason that neither of us should question. I do not. I am thankful for my family.. and for Jerus' recovery.. that He may enjoy the time with His children. I have yet to tell anyone of this baby... I figure it should be Jerus' announcement and will wait till He once more joins the fires in celebration of His return.
May the paga flow freely
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