I woke on the wagon floor just an Ahn or two after sleep captured me in the morning hours today. My eyes still crusted with dried tears.. their lids swollen.. puffy to the touch from the constant strain... my throat sore and my voice hoarse from emotions that boiled over. For a moment... I thought it was all a dream... a bad terrible nightmare that I had woken from... and I rolled from the hip to sit up.... I smiled and sighed.. stretching my arms over my head... then I felt it. The cold bite.. the chilling sting to flesh around my neck. Fingers moved to the ring... and anger rose up from my stomach.. to my throat... threatening to be released with a volitale pop of rage. I grabbed the collar.. I tore at it.. I scratched with my nails.. tearing into my flesh in attempts to rip it from my body. Then suddenly... calm..... my fingers gently lay to perch around the ring and I could hear my breathing slow.... my heart's pounding.. eased... the pulse behind my eyes and within my ears faded... I shivered as my flesh cooled back down.... numbness was replacing the heat in fingers and toes. What was I doing? How stupid to think I could break steel... my neck in trying to get it off... yes. But I was not this SuperGorean Woman that could bend steel. I once thought I was... I once thought I could rule the World... I had tasted arrogance and it consummed me. All Tuchuk Women have a haughtyness inside.. arrogance and a fearless will... but I saw myself.. in those briefest of moments... that mine had overpowered my rational thoughts. I thought myself better than all of them.... I was owed something for my trials of the past... I was weathered.. I was wise... I stood like a Warrior and acted like one... but I acted like a boskarse on many occasions. I was not a Man... yet... I thought I could be one... show them I was strong... and make them believe me.... "This was... this IS.. not me!" I screamed... I felt icy fingers walk down my back... a then a shot of heat that travelled up my spine... the wagon.. went dark... and sat I for a long long time then in silence. No thoughts.... no words... no movement.... I sat calm and serene.
I blinked a few times to a noise that ruptured this blissful moment... punctured my cocoon of unconsciousness and awoke to the heat in the sky now mid-day. Where and when I had lost those Ahn's.... I did not know. My body was stiff... my joints ached as I moved from my casting of ridged position on the wagon floor. Fingers lifted to run through my hair and tossle it back... and I shook my head to clear the fog in my eyes and brain. What felt like mere moments... had taken the entire morning from me. Standing... I looked around the wagon which was unfamilar... but slowly things began to make sense. I now touched my arms and the exposed flesh ... it felt... new... like it wasnt mine. It certainly was not like I had thought I remembered. It was soft... smooth like a Woman's should be... not rough like a Man's. My fingers came before my eyes... then my hands and I turned them over and back... slender and long digits... feminine... callouses gone... long shapely nails extended past the tips... the pads of fingers came towards my cheeks and touched the soft tanned flesh under eyes... stroking outward over the smoothness... a brush of long reddish lashes to eyes... and they fluttered against my fingertips. My earlobes gave way to the passing fingers with a rubbery snap back and forth of skin... how soft they were... I was amazed by this. I let my palms move down my stomach over firm flesh... gone were the muscles I had had drempt there... those boxes of manly muscles that I saw myself behind... replaced by tight but feminine curves. Leaning over... my exposed legs were beautiful... tanned... a Woman's legs... no ripped... corded muscles... no huge calves.... even my toes were that of a females. I ran to the hammered piece of steel that would reflect my face... my mirror of sorts and I gazed into the face of one I had not seen in many Moons. The beauty of that hair was stunning... I commented on it's luster and it's softness. I touched it's curls and marvaled in it's lenght and the feel of it being pulled to gather in my hands.
Jax had entered... and I suddenly felt exposed... the clad-kajir garments left me open to the world.. to Men... a sight that only belonged to Jerus.. and I ran to hide behind a crate... ducking down till only my eyes and the top of my head were seen. "silken.. what's wrong?" He said.. " No!" I cried.. "Please... go ! leave me be!" Jax looked stunned... He tilted His head and started to go.. stopping to look back... I hung my head and whispered... " I need Tarra !!! Please... find Her.... " Tarra would know what was happening... and as Jax left.. I grabbed a fur and wrapped it around my body... wedging myself into a dark corner of the wagon.... I trembled and I cried.
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