Thursday, October 2, 2008

Page 104 (4/15/2007) Different and the same

Tarra came to visit me... we sat and talked. It was then that I realized... just how much She means to me. She rationilized my irrational thoughts... and put things into perspective for me. There is much I need to re-learn. I know She will help me though this... change. My Sister told me to rest... and I did... I slept most of the day away...needing to catch up on what my body in it's transformation... required.
I had been up a few Ahn when Jax came running in. He started brushing my hair and then started pushing me out quickly with only three words.. "Jerus... Harigga... Now" I ran out with 3 bota's in hand and knelt near the main fire. Jerus and His Men had returned sucessful from a raid... even my oldest son, Dakota looking the part of a fine Tuchuk Warrior. With the detail settled, Jerus yelled for me and I walked to Him, settled to His feet and waited. I never felt the collar being removed... only when He said... Get up.. dress yourself, braid your hair... as a Tuchuk Woman should.. and take off that damn belt. I was given the key.. and slid the collar that was once around my throat from the ground to be placed in His saddlebag. I wont discuss it further. Jerus reclaimed what was His when I returned... challanging any around the fires to stop Him. I was once more a Proud Tuchuk Woman.
He sent me to the wagon to see to the twins and the three older kids. Talia, Starr.. Mia and Sonny covered me in kisses that made me cry all over again... they were asleep before Jerus walked in. As I lay them down to sleep beside me... I looked to Jerus. I saw the pain of what I had done still deep in His face... and I knew it would take time to erase that. But I will. He told me the conditions of my Freedom, which, I will never discuss here,... nor with anyone except my Guardian's and perhaps Tarra. I wil need my Guardian's to help uphold the conditions... and I will need Tarra's help in avoiding them. Otherwise.. they will not be known... why? Because I will not have the venomous tongues of other's try to lure me into breaking these conditions. Simple as that.. enough said.
Wily came in... Im sure His little scream and cry woke the adjacent wagons when He saw me. I covered that lil freckle faced boy with kisses when He jumped into my arms... He cried and soon too fell asleep. I thanked Jerus for giving my babies back... and He smiled. We talked about what I learned and there is a long list... only some of what I told Him thusfar. There is still alot to talk about....but it will wait for another day.
Jerus wrapped me in His arms... and I curled against Him... even in sleep the fingers of my left hand stayed entwined with His... my right hand moved over each child's back as they slept.
I will never lose them again.

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