I enjoyed my time at the fire's last night. Cana brought Her baby... I nicknamed Him.. Tug. Those adorable lil fingers found my braid and gave it a few yanks... could it be.. because I was devouring those little fingers and toe's? A few looked at me... as I spoke in baby talk.. gibberish mostly.. getting the goochie-goochie-goo's out of the way right front. Then I brought those puffy.. squeezable cheeks to me.. and rested one of His against mine.. whispering over the fluffy, downy hair to His ear things that only He and I will know. I can say I pledged to keep an eye on Him and His Momma... and that when He grew older.. I would tell Him tales of the Tuchuk and His Papa... the rest is for the heart... and I believe it remember's.... in time. My baby hogging was cut short by Kam dumping me in a water barrel. I didnt complain... I laughed. I deserved it once more... payback for making Him do something that surely hurt Him. Again... in time.. all my loved one's will pay me back for the pain and anguish I put upon them. Another lesson learned? Yes... that my actions not only effect me.. Jerus and my children... but my friends and extended family as a whole.
There are those... mostly of the outer wagons that have been rendering judgements on me. Do I care? No... not really. They do not know what was discussed in private.. they do not know what is in my head. Was my punishment long enough??? Or too long. That depends on who you ask. For me.... it was an eternity. It will be fresh in the firing mechanisms of my brain for a long long time. It will be my... chain of good-doings.... my control to gather strenght from. Jerus knows me better than anyone ever has.. it is that connection that let's Him see what is inside me. He does not do things in hasty.. rash decisions. He knew the time was right. I will not let Him down.
Just as the Ost grows to big for their skin... the old shell becomes itchy... dry. The Ost drinks water... lots of water and then lays in the heat of day... trying desperatly to rid itself of this shell that it has out grown. I scrapes painfully along rocks... trying to peel away the old flesh... it hurt's itself in doing so.... and soon finds a cave to hide in as the eyes become clouded. It's temper is fierce... it cannot see.... and will strike out at anything that shadows it's hazed vision. But after the pain... the darkness... the eyes clear... and the skin begins to fall off... a new being emerges... sometimes quickly... sometimes slow. It depends on the soul, I suppose. The Ost is vunerable for a time while the new skin hardens.. becomes more resilant... it learns during this time... it may still fail slightly at things it could once do... but with perserverance and strenght it soon becomes the mighty creature it is. The Ost can now once again roam proud and strong.
I am stronger... I am re-newed... I still learn...
I am Silkenhawk... A Woman... a Tuchuk Woman...
and I am proud to be so.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment