I was at the stream.. trying to stay awake.. somehow sleep still avoided me. When I do close my eyes.. my mind runs in so many directions It flusters me and I sit up angry as ever. So as I cleared my thoughts.. Shi came riding up and offered a hand to me. He didnt say much but I accepted and we rode a short distance to a campsite. We met Requiem there and after the Boy's did their .. Mine's bigger than your's.. dance with words.... They got down to talking. It was confirmed that Req is the son of Steel. I estimate about 20 turnings. This places Him as the son of Steel and His mate prior to me. This is well and good. Jerus has children from His mate also before me and this does not effect me... I love them as my own... just as Jerus loves Dakota and Shanay as His own. I wanted to tell Req about the twins from His Father.. but I do not yet trust Him. I wanted to tell Him that I was Steel's Mate before He died... but a part of me.. a very violent and dark side wanted to grab Him and take out my fustrations and anger on Him... for looking like His Father. I admit I have had moments where I wanted to slap the crap out of Dakota of exhibiting a likeness of Steel. There were times I could not look at Kota, for seeing Steel's eyes made me furious.
Shi tried to provoke Req into a fight... and I was happy to see it did not come to that. Shi mentioned that He saw Steel's hotheaded temper did not follow the bloodline. He hasnt seen Dakota when He didnt get His way... or is that my side of the genetic pool?
Yet.. while that part of me wanted to ring Req's neck... another wanted to know this Man. This Man is the Son of my former Mate... so.. do I not have a duty as a Woman to this family to teach and welcome Him? Does He not have the right to know His younger brother and sister? Do the twins deserve to hear the stories of their birth Father from someone that knew Him, other than me? Do they want too? Do I? Can I handle the opening of the wounds.... or perhaps... is this the bloodletting I need to finally move on and live......
Great Sky above... Im asking... no Im begging.... guide me....
.... Help me....
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