I ventured to the main fires. Kam was there.. Cana was there... Tarra showed up. Good, right? Yes... I gave Cana a swat to the backside.. I'd missed Her. But something darker was stirring and I could not concentrate long enough to enjoy myself. As I was passing by Tarra... I heard the drunken hollar of Shi.. announcing His arrival within the fires. Why I froze.. why I became nervous.. Im not sure. Was it the fact that the state of mind He was in could only turn worse towards me? The one He loathes having to even watch after? I do believe that He hates Jerus for giving Him this assignment. I believe He either hates me.. or wants me dead to end this torment. A self induced torment upon Himself. Maybe He doubts His capabilities as a Guardian. Kam doesnt seem to let it bother Him. He doesnt worry... but then again.. I dont expect Him too. I dont need my hand held or my every step shadowed.
Thankfully.. Tarra's words ran over in my head.. even more so when I felt the touch to my arm She placed when Shi started in on His ranting. He was baiting me.. harder and harder. And while I can dish it out and throw it back... I have a dangerous thing hanging over my head. A simple piece of steel that could change my life forever now if I screw up. No... I wasnt going to let it happen. So if this was seen as me being cowardly or.. backing down... then so be it. But I value my freedom now and I cannot let the words of someone else pin me for be disobedient. I am strong.. but not strong enough yet to face this.
Kam told me to leave... well told me to go ride. And I did. Fast.. hard and free. Alpha was thrilled for the open run and I was just happy to get away from under the fire. I had tunnel vision during the ride... seeing nothing but the small path before me... and then suddenly.. Alpha stopped. I looked over to see Requiem holding the reins. He asked about my cheek.. He asked about why I was out here... and then insisted I return to His camp till things calmed down. I did... I was anxious to see Requiems mate again, there was much to discuss.
It wasnt long after that Shi came charging in. Ordering me back to the camp to which I did not want to go. I needed space from Him till this paga induced stupor wore off... I needed to not be a vessle for His aggression and pride... or lack there of. Requiem sent me under a wagon while the Men bickered back and forth. On one hand I was being told to stay where I was.. on the other I was being ordered out and back home. Either way.. I was losing and disobeying. I requested to Shi that He back up and take the guards with Him and I would return to the camp with Kam. He would have no part of this... so much for saving my arse. He and Requiem fought... with Requiem gaining back the honor lost to words thrown. Yet as soon as it was done... Shi started again. I was horrified to see Him like this.. and sad. I knew I had to run. I left the covering from under the wagon and raced to Alpha... mounting up and rode fast back to the Harigga. I dont know where Shi went... but I tossed myself into the wagon and closed the door. No one came to lock it... no one came in the morning.
But... Im here.
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