There's days I just dont fit in. Maybe I dont want to... No.. I think I do... but can't... or wont. Adjusting to things is still in my forefront of thoughts... trying to do this and that the right way. Most of the time it doesnt matter... I do it wrong. I go from a wonderful high to a misrable low. A few Ive talked to say this is normal.. not to worry. Telling me not to worry is like asking the bosk not to eat grass. It's just natural.
Shi yelled at me the other night... He misunderstood something I did. But one thing He said really irked me to no end. I guess what bothers me most is He is still comparing me to that Woman from almost 5 months ago. I know that old habits die hard.. but Ive also changed and grown much in the past months. Other's have noticed... why hasnt He? Sometimes I just dont know what He wants... I can look at Him and ask straight out... and just get a simple answer. But I also see His eyes and see more than just a simple answer back there. I wish He would just open up and tell me everything on His mind... in His thoughts and heart. Half the time He is my best friend and the other half.. a total stranger. I dont know why.. He says nothing is wrong.. I know this to not be true. I wish I knew how to get through to Him to open up.. and I wonder.. why can't He just say what He wants to.. He is always quiet.. almost uninterested.
Maybe it is me.... maybe the thrill of the chase is gone and now what? Now that the prey has been captured... do you cage it and keep it as a pet? love it and nuture it? set it free and hope it sticks around? let it go and hunt it down again? or do you kill it.....
Why cant you just tell me how you feel !!!!
.......... forget it.......
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