So Fonce found me at the fires and we spoke. Shi asked for the mating to be dissolved. Fonce agreed. Saresh offered to be my Guardian. I said no. What I heard next I did not like... but... it was typical of a Man. This does not down Fonce, of course. He judges based on what He see's and knows... yet.. I respect Him more for not following His gut instinct.
I wanted answers. I got none. None from Fonce.. none from Shi. Fuck trying.. fuck making an effort. Yes... Im pissed off. This could have gone differently... should have. But it is out of my hands now. It's over.
Jax and Seth helped me move all my stuff and my wagons. I dont feel like talking.. I dont feel much except more loss and pain. I thought that this would hurt Shi.. maybe I did... I dont know.. He wont talk to me about it. I didnt want to hurt Him. But... I never expected to feel as I do. I lost another Mate... I lost my best friend... I lost my brother. It was always a lose lose lose situation.
I had to finally agree to Saresh being my Guardian. I accepted. Fonce did ask me about Kam taking it. I said He already had another new baby.. didnt need one more. That is what I am right? Incapable of handling my own life? Needing someone to watch over me? Someone to care for me and feed me.... water me and make sure I washed behind my ears? Check under my fingernails for dirt... make sure my braid is properly worn... put that dagger away Silken.. stand up straight Silken... dont slouch Silken.... Silkeeeeeennnnnn??? Silkeeeennnnn !!!!! stop biting your nails Silken.... yadda yadda yadda.
ehhhh bite this.
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